let me see,to begin with what.. well...my English is not good enough to express what i want to say exactly ，please don't mind my weird expression. below is something about myself. im a 19 years old male from a non-English speaking countries ,the life of which maybe you are hard to imagine.. i like reading ,anime,music（fascinated by post-rock recently） hate reality , hate bananas, hate myself ,hate this world ,hate anything others force on me . like any others here ，the suicidal thought always occupies my mind. follows is the reason why im here im always feel sick to communicate with others in the reality and to some degree ,im awkward to do that. even in the internet,sometimes i manage to keep myself away from talking to others. i registered this forum several months ago ,everyday i just loged in and read others’ post ,like reading a novel whose protagonist have the similar suffering as me. a English forum ,a kind of language im not familiar with, some people im completely don't know, this sense of distance （i don't know whether i used the exact phrase) make me feel at ease. however，sometimes i fear the loneliness sounding me .like now,i sit in a dark room ，in front of the computer ,typing these words to confirme that im still alive through others’ respons.