I'm a new poster, but I am not new to pain. Before a lot of bad things happened to me, I was a beautiful, funny, sunny, happy girl. Then I married someone who was very wrong for me. 12 years and two children later, we divorced. He has manipulated the children into blaming and disliking me though I was the one who was abused. During this regretful time, I met a man I thought could "save" me. I became unintentionally pregnant out of wedlock. I now have a beautiful son, but my father has disowned me for having him. Due to family demands, I can't continue in a doctoral program I was in, and this is costing me my job. I have several applications out, but am losing hope. I am so terribly isolated and lonely. My only sibling died in an accident 20 years ago. I feel like I have nobody to turn to...but I know certain things are not the answer when I have a baby. Yet sometimes I think he would be so much better off with a happy mom who could also give him a dad. I don't seem to attract good men, and I have lost all confidence in ever finding love. My best friend from childhood is dying of stage 4 cancer, and the major problem is I am so very alone and sad. If I had family support I think it would be much better. As it is, most days all I can do is think about how much I've screwed up my life. Anyway, wanted to say hi.