Hi there, I was happy to find this forum. Not sure why I never thought there'd be such a thing, since there are forums for virtually everything else. Anyway, my real name is Edward. It's not a screen name. I've known since I was probably in my teens that some day I'd kill myself. The only thing that has kept me from doing so all these years (I'm mid-40's) has been that my parents are still alive. My father could probably deal with it, because he's kind of stoic. My mother, though, would literally die of shame. Both of my parents are old now, and both are in progressively poorer health. I don't wish them to die, of course, but I know that once they do I will feel a burden lifted from me. My story is not interesting, in all likelihood, but I think I'll find the stories of others fascinating. Like many others (I think), I long ago rejected the idea of psychiatric intervention and counseling, and I abandoned any notion of using prescription medicine to modify my moods after I found how hard the crash is when you suspend the medication. So... just saying hello. I won't be looking for uplifting advice, or offering any, of course. My interest is not morbid; it's merely communal. Since I'm new to the forum, I'll have to spend a bit of time searching for threads where people discuss "the afterlife", which is something about which I actually look forward to some day (if there are "days" after you're dead) learning firsthand. I'm a firm believer in ghosts, and that is my only remaining goal: to be one. That's probably a childish fantasy to some, but if you knew how much I dream of the day I might get to be what we call a "ghost" you'd know I don't mean this facetiously. I look forward to reading your posts and exploring the forum.