Hi - this sort of thing is new to me, so please bear with me... I am a survivor of abuse, although what type is deep inside me, too deep to reach. When I was seventeen, I attempted suicide (I'm 49 now) although I was not successful. What I remember was the profound sense of relief when I made the decision; it was like all of the pain and suffering were gone in one instant. When I made the attempt, all I remember was looking out the bathroom window and seeing the night - black and with no detail, with a terrible sense of finality. During the attempt, I went out into the void. There was a borderline, and a being of light (I'm not terribly religious, so I'll refrain from calling it God). It felt sad for me and asked my why I was there. Our communication was through pictures and ideas not words, so the conversation was short. The being told me that it was not my time and that I had to go back. I awoke the next morning, got up, ate breakfast and went to school. I felt like I was detached from the world; like I was a ghost and nothing could touch me. Eventually I came to terms with what happened, but the peace and serenity, acceptance and love of that time has always stayed with me. Now (at age 49), I find myself longing for that peace. I have diabetes, a heart problem (doc's don't know what), I'm overweight and most importantly, I have no joy in life. Thoughts of suicide come and go, and I ache for that love that I felt in the void. I am tired of pain, and I am on the verge of tears as I write this. I want to go to sleep; sleep forever with nothing to disturb me. I want to go where my two dogs have gone and spend eternity with them, playing and loving one another. More and more, I look to my future and think that, if this is what things are to be, then it's time. Time to let go. Ursula LeGuin wrote "Heal the wound and cure the illness, but let the dying spirit go". My spirit has been dying for years and I desparately wish the time would come to leave this world.