I'm here to discuss suicide and all the angst that surrounds it. I MIGHT be depressed; I'm not sure. The despair isn't really there. However, there is a bit of apathy, anhedonia, and a general decomposition of my ability to work in school. This is something I need to deal with fast if I'm going to deal with it. I think it all might be mainly philosophical. I study philosophy (and psychology) a lot, you see. And I can't seem to escape the implications of the nihilism I subscribe to. Nothing really matters, and all. Sure, I can create values, sure I can decide that for some reason, pursuing happiness is something I metacognitively WANT to do, rather than something I'm simply driven to do, but not only am I unmotivated to do this, but I find it really hard. You see, belief isn't something you can just choose. I couldn't choose to believe that there's a monster in my bedroom — I must be convinced! And in the same way that I can't be convinced that mythical creatures and/like God don't exist, I can't seem to find anything to convince me that life, or anything, has a point. Now, having no point doesn't really suggest suicide, for suicide lacks any point, either. But when I'm in less positive moods, the idea comes every so often that maybe the emotional roller coaster should end here. There's no point to it, anyway. But there's hope that there's something to be hopeful about. That someday I'll have the epiphany that'll put me on the right direction and cure me of this philosophical position forever. I'd like to matter, I think. That one claim I can make despite all the apathy I have mustered about it all.