Hi. (Hello)

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by earthlybump, Jul 11, 2015.

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  1. earthlybump

    earthlybump New Member

    Hi. sorry, i'm super socially awkward even on the internet. i've had thoughts of suicide occupying my mind for so long now that i don't even remember what it was like to not be anxious about it. it's not something i can just turn off either so i'm constantly thinking about it. i've been expecting that any time now i might finally do it, and i've ended up living so- i don't know, recklessly? because if i'm going to kill myself anyway, why even bother with anything? it's so frustrating having to pretend not to have something so big weighing on me because i'm so uneasy around everybody, even my family, and i can't ask for help even when they sort of see that something is going on with me, you know because i'm not sure i can talk about something so big honestly if at all, and i have tried. especially with things being already too weird between me and everybody. much of the time people i've known all my life feel like complete strangers to me and it sucks because that sounds very insulting in my head. i don't expect i'll be able to actually kill myself if push comes to shove, but i'm really frustrated with my shortcomings and i'm afraid i'll do it and fail and end up scarred for life. at this point i'm more afraid of doing it wrong than actually getting it right
     
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Hi earthlybump suicidal ideation hard one to deal with alone. If you cannot talk to your family talk to your doctor who will keep everything confidential or a church person someone that you can just let go of the sadness with some ok nice to meet you
     
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