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Hi. I am new here.

Discussion in 'Welcome' started by LostKing90, Dec 29, 2014.

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  1. LostKing90

    LostKing90 Member

    Hi. I tried to post here earlier, but my post was lost.

    Anyway, hi. I am new here. I have been struggling with depression for as far back as I can remember, though because I always had rational reasons for feeling this way, I never thought too much of it. I realise now that this is the wrong attitude to have, but I was born in a backwards slum filled with chavs, apes and subhumans who believed very wrong things. I was raised by these people, on and off. I say that because there were long stretches of time where I was simply left alone in the house, not that I minded. I have a text file of my backstory written somewhere on this old potato of a laptop, should I post it here?

    Anyway, something that isn't in that file: I attempted suicide once when I was a kid. I think I was nine at the time. In a busy street, I tore my hand away from my mother's and ran into oncoming traffic, spreading my arms out like Jesus himself and waiting for the car to take me. The cars stopped, and the punishments I received and was told that I deserved convinced me to not try it again. That, and the promise I made to myself when I was ten. I promised that I'd live until I was old (Thirty), and if things hadn't gotten better, I'd <mod edit> However, I have recently caught myself thinking of killing myself early more and more, and so I decided to come here.
    Last edited by a moderator: Dec 29, 2014
  2. hey Lost King. I want to welcome you to this forum.
    I am sorry you feel this way (sad and all) cause i know how it feels to want to die (i feel like that myself).
    Maybe it would help you to talk to a therapist (that's what i do), but it definetely can not change your final decision.
    When you mentioned how you ran into a traffic when you were a kid it reminded me of how i did the simillar thing, only i did it when i was 19.
    With me it was train. Also stopped, like cars in your case.
    Anyway, it is sad that you are thinking of wanting to end it all. I hate that i feel this way. And i feel bad that you do to.
    I hope things get better.
  3. LostKing90

    LostKing90 Member

    It's strange, isn't it? The feeling. It's coming towards you, every emotion possible is running through your mind, and then it stops. It all stops, and for a brief moment, all is silent. And then it all starts up again, and that moment is forgotten.

    I'm talking to a therapist once a week. On Wednesdays, I must go and talk to yet another idiot. This one believes that there is a miserable cloud of sadness over me, there is a caged bird within my heart, and all sorts of other meaningless and tedious symbolism. Oh, how she loves her symbolism. Apparently, the bird within my heart is a falcon. Wow, much congratulate, very wow, she looked up the Wikipedia article on falcons, noted their high top speed and "King of the birds" mythology, and decided it would best fit my personality type: An intelligent and rational individual who uses rationality and absolute detachment as his coping mechanisms.
  4. Mr Stewart

    Mr Stewart Well-Known Member

    Welcome to SF, LostKing90. :wave:
  5. Unknown_111

    Unknown_111 Forum Buddy Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    Welcome to the forum. I hope the forum helps you in hour of need as it has helped me in the last year. You are important and not the only person suffering in pain. Please keep posting for support.
  6. stapleremover

    stapleremover Chat Buddy

    Welcome to the forum, and many many hugs to you. You'll find lots of support here. Feel free to come to chat, there's a lot of camaraderie and friendship and support there.

    Hang in there, it will get better.

  7. DrownedFishOnFire

    DrownedFishOnFire Seeing is Believing Forum Pro SF Supporter

    Welcome aboard
  8. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    Welcome to the forum :)
  9. LostKing90

    LostKing90 Member

    Yes. Very welcome. Much wow. So, what happens now?
  10. LostKing90

    LostKing90 Member

    So, when do I get better?
  11. DrownedFishOnFire

    DrownedFishOnFire Seeing is Believing Forum Pro SF Supporter

    Getting better is up to your own progress towards getting better. What happens now is up to you too, what steps are you going to do?

    Have you tried counseling ? Have you gone to a doctor and try what they suggest?

    It can be overwhelming for some of us to start but we all figure out where to start.
  12. ShoegazeDaydream

    ShoegazeDaydream ~Kid at Heart~

    Just wanted to Welcome you to the Forum. Everyone is very supportive here. :)
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