Hey all thought I better introduce myself. New to this site but have been using a depression site on and off for a few years now . Im 24, Live alone and like most people on here hate my job. I went through a phase last year of all I could think about was ways of killing myself how I could do it, would it hurt how easy it would be to just let go who it would affect and pretty much anything and everything to do with it. Although I have suffered from depression for years the suicidal feeling has rarely been a part of this but once again it seems to have creeped back up on me. I keep having the odd moment of I wouldn’t exactly call it happiness but moment where im not depressed but then I get to thinking why am I not depressed? And in a way missing the feeling. I think I have somehow managed to convince myself this is the way I am meant to feel and purposely drag myself back into it when im starting to escape. Suicide would be the easy way out looking forward all I see it a long line of jobs I hate and people that piss me off and loneliness so why bother continuing when I will only end up unhappy and eventually dead anyway? Don’t get me wrong I not going to go kill myself at least I don’t think. Im way to much of a pussy to actually do it although the thought of not having to cope with life is sooo sooo appealing I don’t think I will be so lucky. If only it was as simply as going to sleep and not waking back up eh? But if we could do that I guess the world would have a lot less people in it lol.