Hello. I got to this board while looking for a place to release my feelings without somebody laughing at me or telling me I'm just whiny or trying to get attention. When I was a child, I was abused, neglected and had disgusting things done to me by a member of my family that I can barely bring myself to write about. Now I don't know how to trust anybody, I'm afraid I'm going to be hurt again. I have no motivation or joy for anything, and I constantly long for death. I always feel filthy, stupid, and useless. Most nights, I pray that I'll die in my sleep so I won't have to try and get through another day. I get angry at myself often, and I'm ashamed of the fact that I take it out on other people when I should be taking it out on myself. I don't think it's even possible for anybody to care about me at this point. I know it's selfish and I might not deserve it, but I wish I could have somebody to talk to. Sorry if this post is lame or hard to understand. I'm so bad with words.