Hi. I hope I'm in the right place...

Discussion in 'Welcome' started by Rhodonite, Feb 23, 2013.

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  1. Rhodonite

    Rhodonite New Member

    Hello. I got to this board while looking for a place to release my feelings without somebody laughing at me or telling me I'm just whiny or trying to get attention. When I was a child, I was abused, neglected and had disgusting things done to me by a member of my family that I can barely bring myself to write about. Now I don't know how to trust anybody, I'm afraid I'm going to be hurt again.

    I have no motivation or joy for anything, and I constantly long for death. I always feel filthy, stupid, and useless. Most nights, I pray that I'll die in my sleep so I won't have to try and get through another day. I get angry at myself often, and I'm ashamed of the fact that I take it out on other people when I should be taking it out on myself. I don't think it's even possible for anybody to care about me at this point. I know it's selfish and I might not deserve it, but I wish I could have somebody to talk to. :(

    Sorry if this post is lame or hard to understand. I'm so bad with words.
  2. Witty_Sarcasm

    Witty_Sarcasm Writer, Musician, Fun Lover, Magic Maker

    Hi Rhodonite, welcome to SF. You've come to a good place to talk---you won't be judged unfairly here, and we will listen to you and try to help. I'm sorry you have been through so much, and I can relate to a lot of what you said. I also have trust issues and feel like a bad person. But I came here to work through those feelings, and hopefully writing things out has helped you somewhat. Your post wasn't lame or hard to understand, feel free to vent or post at any time, and we will be here to listen.
  3. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Hi hun this is a great place hun to be heard and undestood hugs
  4. Sadeyes

    Sadeyes Staff Alumni

    Hi and welcome...I can truly understand what you have written...please remember that you were the victim and did nothing wrong...have you spoken to a professional about how you are feeling? Please consider doing this as you do not deserve to feel this way...welcome again
  5. flowers

    flowers Senior Member

    Hi, I am glad you came here. First, I am very sorry you were so hurt. No kid ever deserves to be hurt. And nothing was your fault. I say this because people who were abused almost always are convinced that somehow some of the things were their fault. This is never ever true :hug:

    Also people who were abused as children do think the things about themselves that you mentioned. " filthy stupid useless" the list goes on and on. But those things are never true. Even though it feels like they are for you. They are not who you are. Not even a teeny bit :hug: I am so sorry that you have been caused to believe these things about yourself. And sadly you are in good company. Way too many people who were abused believe these lies.

    People can and many do recover from childhood abuse. They can learn that what happened to them was never their fault. And they are good people. The other things that you did not write about can be helped as well. It does take therapy to recover. Do you think you can find a therapist?

    I hope you will get lots from being part of this community. I think there are good people here. And I know you are a good person. I can feel it.
  6. Rhodonite

    Rhodonite New Member

    Thanks for the replies, and for the kind words. :) I am both devastated and relieved to find others who understand what I'm dealing with. I hope I can eventually get myself to believe some of these things, like that I shouldn't think so badly of myself, or that I don't really deserve all the things that have happened. It's very hard.

    I have not spoken to any professional, although I have thought about it and I know I really should. Right now, it's not something I think I could do.
  7. flowers

    flowers Senior Member

    Baby steps. I know it can be a very scary thing to talk to someone about thing. There is no rush. Eventually it is the very thing that can set you free. But it is not easy. So in your own timing. When you are ready. safe :hug: s and I hope you will keep posting. I really do
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