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Hi, I'm Hannah

Discussion in 'Welcome' started by Hanni, Sep 14, 2013.

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  1. Hanni

    Hanni New Member

    Hi my name is Hannah
    I was 6 when i first attempted although i was just holding my breath until i almost passed out.
    i honestly believed though that if i was strong enough i could hold my breath until i died.
    My next few attempts where little better... at one point i tried to <edit mod total eclipse method>
    My attempts that could actually have killed me started when i was in year 6 of primary school so around 11-12. I won't tell you what I did I'm afraid someone might try to do it themselves.
    I've been hospitalized 3 times for suicide attempts, although I have attempted many more times.
    I have never truthfully talked to anyone. Once i tried giving my father (who i live with) and my best friend hints but i got nothing in return only a "just smile and be happy".
    My father picked me up from the hospital every time i was admitted but he literally never mentioned it. Even in the car on the way home, like it was something to shameful to mention.
    My legs are also badly scared from cutting and burning myself, it makes me calm for a time.
    I dont really know why i feel this way. I think I'm a monster, a virus that infects everything it touches. I make everything worse. If there is a god he must know it too because he gave me polycystic kidney disease and crohn's
    I'm joining this forum for someone to talk to about how i feel that wont judge me.
    I'm tired, so very very tired. and scared. I don't want to die but i also don't want to live.

    Sorry about the rant but i'v never spoken to anyone or posted in a forum about this before so it all kinda came tumbling out...
    Last edited by a moderator: Sep 14, 2013
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Hi Hannah welcome to SF just so you know no methods are to be posted when you have time please read rules I hope you continue to talk here so we can support you hugs
  3. emily83

    emily83 Well-Known Member

    welcome to SF

    hope you find this place supportive
  4. John B

    John B Active Member

    If you wish to resolve your problems you need to go back to the beginning, back to when it all started. Try to get into a meditative state and remember; write everything down so it’s out of your head and on paper (MS word file.) People are products of their environment. From birth, the body begins to change and adapt to the world it was dumped in. If you’re crashing mentally and suicidal, then there is a problem, comparable to computer error or bug, that the brain requires outside assistance to resolve. This forum is a place where you don’t have to drop hints or hold back. You can state anything and everything you want to with repercussions only towards methods, triggers and anything that might violate the rules.

    Once you know the source of the problem you can address and resolve it with currently available solutions that don’t end in death. Ignoring it would be like running from a predator animal on their territory; it will only get worse until it’s addressed. Here, you’re not alone, there are hundreds of voices that wish to preserve, prolong and improve life as much as possible.
  5. TimBoba

    TimBoba New Member

    Hi Hannah,

    I also have Crohn's disease.

    Speaking to friends and family is usually really hard, i don't speak to mine but i find it easier on a forum or with someone whom i can actually relate.

    Feel free to message if you want to get some more off your chest.

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