Hi, I'm new here but lost...

Discussion in 'Welcome' started by always_running, Apr 18, 2016.

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  1. always_running

    always_running New Member

    Hello. I found this page while researching suicide...again. I lost my husband suddenly 3 years ago. Since then my life has become an uphill and endless climb out of depression. I'm on meds and I have good days but then I go through weeks of bad days. I met someone almost 2 years ago and we dated for a little over a year. He lied, cheated etc and it ended. I was completely heartbroken. Recently I started going out with someone I had known for a while. Unfortunately I think the timing was wrong as he just ended a long term relationship. I was so happy, until he abruptly ended it causing me so much pain. He and I are both recovering alcoholics and he was questioning his sobriety. He's back to meetings and just wants to work on himself right now. Which I can understand (sort of).
    I know life is full of ups and downs. But the downs have taken me so far down that at times I just want to be done with it. I have talked to a therapist many times. It doesn't help me. People say "but you have so much to live for..." It just doest help when you can't see it. I want to be pain free, with a hopeful heart and a reason to live. I want someone to care about me.
  2. Rockclimbinggirl

    Rockclimbinggirl SF climber Staff Member Safety & Support

    Welcome to the forum @always_running
    I'm sorry that you lost your husband *hugs*
    What about finding another therapist?
  3. ThePhantomLady

    ThePhantomLady Safety and Support SF Supporter

    Hi there, and welcome to the forum @always_running

    I am sorry to hear your story and what happened in your life.

    I know you say that therapy hasn't helped you. Can I ask if you've only seen one? Sometimes you just don't get along with one therapist... and perhaps you need a different type of therapy all together?
    Please don't give up hun!
  4. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    *hugs* welcome to the forum, i'm really sorry to hear of all you have been through and are going through, just know that hope does exist and you will get to where to want to be eventually, you will find many caring folks here, im glad you found us :)
  5. always_running

    always_running New Member

    I am trying. I lost my job 1 month ago so I have no health insurance. Finding low income
    I lost my job and health insurance 2 months ago so I am looking into places that charge you on a sliding scale basis. There are places out there but they're hard to find and get into. And some days it just doesn't seem worth it. I want to be (emotionally) pain free, I want this blackness, this overwhelming feeling of emptiness to be over. The only thing that makes me pause, is my 3 kids. They're in their early 20's and live far away. They know of my depression. I just hate the thought of them having to bury another parent. But I feel hopeless.
  6. sahel

    sahel SF Supporter

    I am sorry about what you are dealing with. I really wish you strength and patience to go over this period and be emotionally painless like you said. It's good that you are looking for another therapist. But meanwhile, do you have any body like close friends/family members that you can open up to? Sometimes just venting helps. I do wish things get better and better for you Hugs and take good care of yourself my dear
    Brian777 likes this.
  7. Brian777

    Brian777 Safety and Support Forum Pro SF Supporter

    Hello Always_running, I'm saddened to hear of the loss of your husband, I know the pain you feel, I lost my first wife to cancer when she was very young, it can take a long time to get over if ever. I'm sure you have many people who care for you.
    You'll find many caring and supportive people here on this site, we'll care for and support you on your journey. Start to believe that life can change for the better and we'll help you along your path. Welcome
    Last edited: Apr 23, 2016
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