Hi, I'm Em, a 22 year old from Australia. I stumbled across this site looking for anything, really. *trigger alert* I have ptsd due to sexual and physical abuse for a period of almost five years and physical abuse and neglect of my only family member for my whole life before then. I've been so isolated I don't even know how to talk to people. I've been away from all that for a year now and I'm trying to live life but its just not working. No support services here were available for more than a few weeks and it just wasn't enough. I've started studying but I have no idea what I'm doing or what I'm good at. I only started because I knew I couldn't face getting a job, I wouldn't be able to hold one down and here the government gives a small allowance to students. Its a 3 year degree and i might buy me some time and I get a qualification. I don't really know anyone outside of people associated with the people who abused me, I don't know how to talk to people or what I can say. I tried medication, I'm still trying but as I has sensitivities to a lot of drugs some just make me sick and others haven't worked at all. I've really reached the end of the line, I'm sick of trying new drugs that just make things worse and I can't handle life without help. I've stupidly ended up in a relationship thinking I could handle one but I pushed myself to hard and I spiralled into depression becoming suicidal stuck between a rock and a hard place. I just want to get better. More than anything I want to live a normal life, I want to work, grow old with someone I love and give someone all the love I missed out on giving for almost all my life. I just can't handle things anymore. I'm so bad at communicating, not knowing when something is appropriate to say. I'm so far from help and it wouldn't be fair to ask anyone anyway because they're strangers. I don't know where to go from here and everything has become overwhelming. I'm afraid I won't be able to keep up with my studies as I've been struggling. I don't know what to do if that happens. I don't really know what I'm looking for, I'll try anything to make things better because I cant live this life anymore and I have nothing to lose.