Hi, I'm new here

Discussion in 'Welcome' started by Emm, Aug 23, 2015.

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  1. Emm

    Emm New Member

    I'm Em, a 22 year old from Australia. I stumbled across this site looking for anything, really.
    *trigger alert*

    I have ptsd due to sexual and physical abuse for a period of almost five years and physical abuse and neglect of my only family member for my whole life before then. I've been so isolated I don't even know how to talk to people. I've been away from all that for a year now and I'm trying to live life but its just not working. No support services here were available for more than a few weeks and it just wasn't enough. I've started studying but I have no idea what I'm doing or what I'm good at. I only started because I knew I couldn't face getting a job, I wouldn't be able to hold one down and here the government gives a small allowance to students. Its a 3 year degree and i might buy me some time and I get a qualification.
    I don't really know anyone outside of people associated with the people who abused me, I don't know how to talk to people or what I can say.
    I tried medication, I'm still trying but as I has sensitivities to a lot of drugs some just make me sick and others haven't worked at all. I've really reached the end of the line, I'm sick of trying new drugs that just make things worse and I can't handle life without help.
    I've stupidly ended up in a relationship thinking I could handle one but I pushed myself to hard and I spiralled into depression becoming suicidal stuck between a rock and a hard place. I just want to get better. More than anything I want to live a normal life, I want to work, grow old with someone I love and give someone all the love I missed out on giving for almost all my life.
    I just can't handle things anymore. I'm so bad at communicating, not knowing when something is appropriate to say. I'm so far from help and it wouldn't be fair to ask anyone anyway because they're strangers. I don't know where to go from here and everything has become overwhelming. I'm afraid I won't be able to keep up with my studies as I've been struggling. I don't know what to do if that happens.
    I don't really know what I'm looking for, I'll try anything to make things better because I cant live this life anymore and I have nothing to lose.
  2. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    Hi Emm and welcome to the forum.

    I totally get ''not knowing what to say''. I usually dress it up by humour but after that I struggle with it too. I was also molested raped, it only happened once but that one time was enough to give me PTSD so I can only imagine what you are going through. I think you are very brave to even talk about this.
    Keep opening up, it will help. I hope you find some friends here too :hugs:
  3. Ryandurbur

    Ryandurbur New Member

    Welcome to the forum! There are tons of people here with open ears ready to listen and help you out to the best of your ability. You surely made the right choice in actually trying to make things better instead of just giving up, props to you on that one!
  4. Unknown_111

    Unknown_111 Forum Buddy Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    Welcome to the forum. I am so sorry to hear that you are still suffering from the past. The abuse you suffered is something that is hard to deal with. The hurt caused is not causing you emotional upheaval. Let me reassure you, you joined a wonderful understanding community. I know it's hard for you but be strong. We can help you but I do strongly recommend you seek professional counselling about your situation.
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