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hi. new from north uk

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hi all. i have not been part of a forum like this before, maybe i would not be still feeling like this if i had (also maybe i would.. i dont know yet, thats why im here).
i have experienced suicidal thoughts for a fairly long time now, and had 3 attempts in the past 2 years or so. i am manic depressive but dont see any professionals for treatment or councelling at the moment because when i have in the past they have treatd me like im stupid and just tryed to force (what i consider to be) poisons down my throat. at the moment i am in a fairly rough depressive state, which is why i decided to join this forum, and most days i am currently thinking about/planning to end my life. the first thing i did when i joined was to read the thread about finding coping mechanisms, but my usual methods have always been to use large amounts of alcohol or illicit drugs, which i am starting to think may be doing me more harm than good as then occaisionally i have a difficult habit to beat as well as feeling horrible.
i have plenty of friends and family i could turn to but i have always found the support of other people absolutely useless in these situations because they become too emotionally involved, and the conversations usually turn into how they feel about it rather than what im feeling. i cannot think of any logical reason for me to be depressed/suicidal and nothing makes it go away forever so i am thinking if i cannot fix it, i am always going to have these destructively unhappy periods, then i only have 1 option left....

total eclipse

SF Friend
Staff Alumni
first off welcome to forum hun you use poison alcohol illicit drugs to cope why cant you use legal drugs to get you stable to bring you peace in your mind they help you will feel so much better. i fought meds too but now i am on them what a difference
thanks for the welcome :) yes i know it is a bit hypocritical of me isnt it? i have tried being on meds (a few different ssri anti-d's) over a period of around 8 months and they didnt do me any good, i just felt physically ill from them, and more nervous. when i spoke to the dr about it he dissmissed anything i said, told me to carry on with it and then changed the variety after a couple of months. every time i have tried using the medical services i have been extremely unsatisfied with the care available; basically treated like a foolish child (even tho i was in my twenties by then), fed drugs that they didnt even seem to know the effects of, and no support was offered. i dont trust the medical profession any more, it is too much like a business and has so far only been help to me when iv needed emergency treatment (stitches etc..)


Well-Known Member
Hi. There are good drugs/alcohol services. How about giving them a go?
You will get lots of support here to NOT try what you think is the solution.
Sending love xxx
Hi. There are good drugs/alcohol services. How about giving them a go?
You will get lots of support here to NOT try what you think is the solution.
Sending love xxx
thanks, i have already recieved more support from the few people here iv had contact with since this afternoon than the 'support' services iv tried through the uk nhs. i think u maybe misunderstand me regarding my drug/alcohol use though; i know they are not the solution to my problems and i dont actually use much of either at the moment, i am still having trouble combatting the daily habit i built up with drink, and i dont often use any drugs at all any more. i am feeling a massive amount more positive after finding and joining the forum and i really appreciate it :)
no i dont visit a therapist currently, after having tried the nhs services several times, until about 5 years ago, with no positive results i decided that i am going to help myself my way. having support from friends for example i find far more useful than anything the dr's ever gave/said to me, although it is very hard to talk much about my problems with friends/family as im too worried about upsetting them and often dont say the whole story. finding this forum has already been invaluable to me, in less than 24 hours since i joined i have spoken with several really nice people, it is so comforting to discuss it with people who understand, are going through similar things, and are completely judgement-free. the support you guys have shown me so far has made me feel so much more positive than i was before, i thank you all really very much :)
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