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Hi. New guy, 21y.o. Kinda afraid.

Discussion in 'Welcome' started by beauu, Jan 11, 2012.

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  1. beauu

    beauu New Member

    Hey everyone.
    I've never really reached out online before. I have always been one to stalk in the shadows, reading everything. Probs afraid that people wouldn't respond to me if I said anything. Or scared how people would judge me. But, I want to say Hi, now. Hopefully find a few people that I can relate to and chat openly about how I feel?

    Anyways, my name is Beau. I'm 21y.o. I live on the Gold Coast, in Australia. I have been down and not enjoying life since early high school. I always thought that was just how life is. Nothing "bad" has ever really happened to me. I've just never really been interested enough in anything to get any enjoyment out of it. Or found anything pleasurable enough to make me happy. I guess I've always been apathetic. I've always tried to find that something that would make me happy, but haven't found it yet.

    I've self harmed on and off during high school. Was always something that helped release pent up anger/frustration/annoyance that builds up inside. Last year, after moving out of home and starting Uni, I had a break down and tried to commit suicide. My self harming went up heaps to the point I was doing it everyday. I haven't really let up on it, since that attempt on my life because it's the only thing that helps release those pent up feelings.

    Sooo, since then, I've differed Uni, moved back home. I've been diagnosed with depression, anxiety, bipolar (by one pdoc) and bpd. I'm on meds and see a councillor and psychologist regularly.

    I guess I'm looking for someone else my age to chat to about similar feelings. I'm sick of being talked down to, told what I have to do, how I should feel, blah blah blah. I'm looking for someone that is at my level, that I can share and relate too.

    Sorry about the big intro. I need to get this off my chest. I'm really scared about how everyone will take this and even just talking to other people online is pretty nerve racking. Please go easy on me :S

    Thanks for reading :)
  2. Sadeyes

    Sadeyes Staff Alumni

    Hi and welcome...I hope you are doing better than last yr...I am sure that there are ppl here who will relate to what you have written...please continue to post and let us know what is going on for you...welcome again
  3. davytelford

    davytelford Member

    hi im 26 ill glady chat to you im having probs too and im really scared something will make you happy
  4. Sardaukar

    Sardaukar Well-Known Member

    Hiya Beau, I am sure that you will find what you are looking for here on SF, and don't be afraid to speak your mind, nobody here will judge you, we all have our problems. It's good that you have decided to reach out, and I will be happy to chat to you any time I can, and there are plenty of others here just as willing. If you ever want to add me on skype or gtalk or any other IM client, dont hesitate to PM me, as I like meeting new people, and doing what I can to help, even if it's just by talking. Cheers for now, keep well :)
  5. Baldr

    Baldr Staff Alumni

    hello Beau, welcome to the forum
    I'm sure you can find people here to talk and relate to :)
  6. beauu

    beauu New Member

    Thanks for all of your replies and warm welcomes :)
    I might PM you guys that offered to chat. Would like to talk about anything and everything... I guess I'm looking for a friend, maybe, that I can relate to on a level that I explained in first post. Does that make sense?

    I'm doing better since last year. In that I am more stable and being looked after by my family. But mentally I don't feel any better and I guess you could say suicide thoughts are still often thought about. It's more, I want to research the best method because if I try again, I have to succeed as I am being watched by my family too closely now that if I tried again and it didn't work, I will practically be put in a padded room.

    But, I'm not preparing to try again. I do want to get better, I want to know what it is like to be happy, actually want to and enjoy being around other people. I guess I'm in so much pain/disconnection/apathy and have been for so long that I don't have anything to look forward to other than what people tell me what life is meant to be like...
  7. BruceWayneWannabe

    BruceWayneWannabe Active Member

    Hi Beau. Welcome to the site. You can chat me up too if you'd like.
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