Hi. New here. Just very unhappy.

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Hurting, Oct 13, 2007.

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  1. Hurting

    Hurting New Member

    I don't like to complain much, so most people who know me don't know what's really going on with me. I know there's a way out, but finding it is taking time. The mental and emotional pain I'm in is creating physical pain... a lot of it.

    I'm also very angry a lot because of the pain, and the lack of caring from family, and the belligerence of people in the hood I live in. I'm starting to hate people for their actions which exacerbate my pain... they're constantly beeping their horns for no reason, laying on them for long stretches with no concern for anyone else. This hurts my raw nerves, and I start getting angry and hateful.

    Then that anger and hate hurts me, by ruining my capacity for joy even further. It's a vicious cycle, and I slept 18 hours a day for almost a year to escape it. I'm just tired of the horns, and the loud car mufflers, and the motorcycles with straight pipes. The whooping, the hollering, the whistling, the cursing. Sometimes I wish I could kill them all, especially the motorcycle riders who tear down the road near my building, seemingly enjoying their disturbance of other peoples peace and quiet, or just not knowing or caring.

    But I wouldn't hurt anyone else physically (though I've said some hateful and threatening things out of frustration), so I end up turning that anger, hate and urge to kill inward upon myself, and then get suicidal. I don't know how to break this mental cycle.

    I'm just sick of it, and want to move far, far away from this place. This state (Rhode Island) is by far the most ignorant state I've ever lived in, and I've lived in five. These people here are just bad... very bad, very stupid, very ignorant, very selfish, very dishonest, very disrespectful, and very belligerent. I hate them. And hating them makes me hate myself for having sunk to this level.

    I'm just sick and tired of it all. I want to cease to exist, or lash out, but I know those are not options, especially the latter.
    Last edited by a moderator: Oct 13, 2007
  2. Puddytat

    Puddytat Well-Known Member

    :welcome: to SF

    I so know how you feel, one thing that has always driven me insane is noise and the total disrespect some ppl have.

    i live in a noisy place, unfortunately unavoidable at the moment, im working on getting out, my temporary solution is earplugs, they really do work wonders.

    try not to let it get to you too much, its only gonna cause you more pain by getting angry and internalizing it. rather try to find some temporary solutions at present until you can get out of there.

    good luck, Im thinking about you :hug:
  3. Hurting

    Hurting New Member

    Thanks Puddytat.

    The only thing worse than ignorant, selfish people is hateful people.

    And the only thing worse beyond that is becoming just like them. lol

    Thanks. :)
  4. pit

    pit Well-Known Member

    Time to get the fuck out of Rhode Island if you can!
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