I dont know where to start. I am not really happy about posting here. I am sad that it has come to this. Meaning, actually going to a site like this. I am scared to say the least. Dont know exactly how to channel the extreme depression that I am in. I just want it to be over. I am 43 and have just about given up on most things. Family, friends, job. I dont find any joy anymore in anything. I struggle just to make it through another day. The pain is so great. Yes, I am depressed. I have been struggling with this most my life. I have had good years but the cycle always continues. I have tried meds only to be made manic. I never would of thought it would take so much energy just to get through a day. PAIN...is all I can say right day. Pain.