Hi to everyone, I am not sure this is the right place as it appears that most contributors are younger than me (I am 50). I have attempted suicide twice in the past once at 15 using over the counter medication and much later at 37 I tried carbon monoxide poising (exhaust from car) but was discovered and sent to hospital. At 33 I had a serious work accident that required brain surgery, the side effects were nothing as feared, epilepsy is the one big visible scar which is controlled by medication, what can't be controlled is my inability to grasp simple tasks. Being self employed all my life I believe I am a natural bluffer, even if I don't understand it I can appear to be an expert (perhaps it's the seniority that comes with age). I am married with children who are all raised and left home holding good jobs, my wife has done her job and is now showing all the signs of covering for a man who should have died a long time ago. We have no physical relationship with each other (or other parties) in fact she cringes at the slightest touch from me, she has done everything above and beyond the call of duty one could ever expect from a wife. I am feeling incredibly lonely, it's not that I am left alone very often in fact I have actually enjoy those days when I was left to myself to do as I pleased. That was before the past year when the intense cold factor came between us, I know she never forgave my second suicide attempt however that was because the children were young. I have a plan that should work using existing medication, I am hoping to find peace from my tormentors and hope to release those around me from the baggage I have lumbered them with. Wish me luck.