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Hi, new here

Discussion in 'Welcome' started by crazy paddy, Dec 28, 2010.

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  1. crazy paddy

    crazy paddy New Member

    Hi to everyone,

    I am not sure this is the right place as it appears that most contributors are younger than me (I am 50).

    I have attempted suicide twice in the past once at 15 using over the counter medication and much later at 37 I tried carbon monoxide poising (exhaust from car) but was discovered and sent to hospital.

    At 33 I had a serious work accident that required brain surgery, the side effects were nothing as feared, epilepsy is the one big visible scar which is controlled by medication, what can't be controlled is my inability to grasp simple tasks.

    Being self employed all my life I believe I am a natural bluffer, even if I don't understand it I can appear to be an expert (perhaps it's the seniority that comes with age).

    I am married with children who are all raised and left home holding good jobs, my wife has done her job and is now showing all the signs of covering for a man who should have died a long time ago.

    We have no physical relationship with each other (or other parties) in fact she cringes at the slightest touch from me, she has done everything above and beyond the call of duty one could ever expect from a wife.

    I am feeling incredibly lonely, it's not that I am left alone very often in fact I have actually enjoy those days when I was left to myself to do as I pleased.

    That was before the past year when the intense cold factor came between us, I know she never forgave my second suicide attempt however that was because the children were young.

    I have a plan that should work using existing medication, I am hoping to find peace from my tormentors and hope to release those around me from the baggage I have lumbered them with.

    Wish me luck.
  2. Fitzy

    Fitzy Well-Known Member

    No I won't wish you luck as this is a pro-life site.
    I do wish that you talk to us on sf and decide to stay. X
  3. peacelovingguy

    peacelovingguy Well-Known Member

    Hey Paddy, I'm not far off 50 myself.

    I too cannot wish you luck in any plan and hope you can try to salvage what you see as some kind of pointless life or something.

    You should hang on in because your close to being a granddad one day. Also your ill health - I'm wondering what help you have there? Is work becoming too much with your disabilities?

    There is help out there.

    I hope your feeling OK right now and can set us right and cancel whatever plan you been cooking up.
  4. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    YOur wife loves you or she would not have stayed. You leaving will only cause her more pain and suffering. Stick around okay you will see alot here understand and care
  5. ~Young-Violet~

    ~Young-Violet~ Banned Member

    Hey Crazy Paddy,

    A nice warm welcome to Suicide Forums, I am glad you are looking for help with your situation :hug: I agree with ~Violet~ it seems like your wife does love you and is always willing to stick by you no matter what. You are a strong couple who love each other, suicide will only end up with leaveing devistation on her, it would break her. You don't want to see her hurt do you?

    As this is a Pro-Life forum we can not wish you luck with your plan, as nobody deserves to die, we are all special and important, I hope you do keep posting and keeping us updated, I hope this site helps you as best as possible :hugtackles:
  6. Perfect Melancholy

    Perfect Melancholy SF Friend

    :hiya: Welcome to SF, I hope you find the help and support you need here.

    Take Care

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