Hi, New Here

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by crazy paddy, Dec 28, 2010.

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  1. crazy paddy

    crazy paddy New Member

    Hi to everyone,

    I am not sure this is the right place as it appears that most contributors are younger than me (I am 50).

    I have attempted suicide twice in the past once at 15 using over the counter medication and much later at 37 I tried carbon monoxide poising (exhaust from car) but was discovered and sent to hospital.

    At 33 I had a serious work accident that required brain surgery, the side effects were nothing as feared, epilepsy is the one big visible scar which is controlled by medication, what can't be controlled is my inability to grasp simple tasks.

    Being self employed all my life I believe I am a natural bluffer, even if I don't understand it I can appear to be an expert (perhaps it's the seniority that comes with age).

    I am married with children who are all raised and left home holding good jobs, my wife has done her job and is now showing all the signs of covering for a man who should have died a long time ago.

    We have no physical relationship with each other (or other parties) in fact she cringes at the slightest touch from me, she has done everything above and beyond the call of duty one could ever expect from a wife.

    I am feeling incredibly lonely, it's not that I am left alone very often in fact I have actually enjoy those days when I was left to myself to do as I pleased.

    That was before the past year when the intense cold factor came between us, I know she never forgave my second suicide attempt however that was because the children were young.

    I have a plan that should work using existing medication, I am hoping to find peace from my tormentors and hope to release those around me from the baggage I have lumbered them with.

    Wish me luck.
  2. Stranger1

    Stranger1 Forum Buddy & Antiquities Friend

    I don't know what to say right now.,. I just want you to know that I hear you..I hope you hang on and let the members here help you..
  3. lalala

    lalala New Member

    Hey. I really hope you do not do that. I honestly mean that. Im sure you are an awesome guy and i would like to get to know you :)
  4. Dave_N

    Dave_N Banned Member

    Hi crazy paddy and welcome to SF. If you feel comfortable talking with older SF members, then there is a subforum called 'antiquities friends' that is designed for people over 30. I'm actually turning 30 next month. My dad is almost 60 and thankfully, his health is still pretty good.

    I'm sorry to hear that your wife no longer enjoys spending time with you or touching you. I'm sure that she still loves you, but feels somewhat obligated to take care of you. I think that you should talk to your children (who are probably in my age group), about your decision to euthanize yourself, because they still love you despite your disabilities. Please don't give up yet. :hug:
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