HI, new to forum, not to idea

Discussion in 'Welcome' started by rosebud, Sep 6, 2010.

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  1. rosebud

    rosebud Member

    Hi, I went years without a day going by that I didn't think "is this the day". My grandfather had taken his life---he was not close to my father--very abusive, and so it hurt my dad, it didn't destroy him as a normal loving father son relationship would. I saw a psychiatrist some years ago, and told him that its not a question of if, its a question of when. He said "I knew that the first day you came here--before you said a word". I have had chronic pain--very severe for 20 yrs. It has been treated well and the thoughts went away. Recently, they have come up again. I have had plans, and even made a place so no one could find me, but then my brother passed unexpectedly, and it was so hard on my parents--I thought "they cannot stand to lose two (of four)". I am married 30 yr, 3 adult children, all college grads, one in professional grad school, so I dont know what more I am needed for here. Even though I can think of why nots, the thoughts keep coming. I am afraid to go to a doctor or to tell anyone in fear that they will have me comitted or put in a facility for a while. I"m sure my story isnt' different from many, but this is my story. I am 50, and want to go. I just dont want to leave a wake of misery and guilt behind me. Its no ones fault, its my choice and my desire/obcession. I want freedom from the physical and emotional pain. Thank you for allowing me to introduce myself.
     
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    welcome to Sf i hope you don't pass on suicidal tendancy to your children You know if you committ suicide you are setting your children up to do the same You are needed doesn't matter how old your children are they will always need their mother and if they have kids their kids will need a grandmother.
     
  3. Kaos General

    Kaos General Well-Known Member

    hi and welcome. Im sorry for what youve been through i am but why dont you be determined to set a precedent by not going through with it? That would be proving everyone wrong then. Keep your parents in the forefront of your mind. You know it would hurt them a lot so just remember that. Planning suicide is all good, just so long as it remains a plan.

    But welcome and hope you stay and find us friendly and useful :)
     
  4. boo

    boo Well-Known Member

    Welcome to Sf Rosebud
     
  5. rosebud

    rosebud Member

    by the way, I am a man. My dogs name is rosebud. I call her rose, but that was taken. Thanks
     
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