Hi new to forum

Discussion in 'Welcome' started by skyrose, May 2, 2012.

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  1. skyrose

    skyrose Member

    wow it has taken me a lot to just start typing sigh. I'm not sure how to start. I found this site by accident while searching about suicide. I don't even know if i can finish this without starting to cry. My life has been awful especially in the last 2 years. I am 37 years old disabled but married to a wonderful man. He is the only thing holding me here right now, and I am not sure if that is going to be enough soon. Things have never been good for me. I was an abused child and in a few different foster homes growing up. I guess that is where my depression started. I remember thinking of suicide as early as 8 years old. My first attempt was at the age of 20. Didn't get very far just very sick. I have been hospitalized twice the most recent in January of this year for another attempt. The reason for my most recent attempts is because of my Ex husband and my oldest daughter. 2 years ago they went to the courts and told them I was an I.V. drug addict and an alcoholic that I abused and neglected my children. All this because I wouldn't leave my husband on demand of my oldest girl who wanted me back with her father. My ex of course added to the stories. He never liked my present husband and had been trying to get me back. The thing is I have never been on drugs and and I hate drinking. My kids if anything where spoiled rotten I loved them more than anything in the world. I had raised them by myself for most of their lives. The courts up here wouldn't listen to me. The law guardian was completely against me from the start. She never even talked to me in person. Just to my ex and daughter. I tried to prove that i wasn't on drugs or drank but I wasn't even allowed a drug test to prove my innocence. The judge ordered me to a drug evaluation I was thinking great now i can prove all this untrue. Little did I know until later that the law guardian interfered with the evaluation and convinced them I was a drug addict. The place they sent me to didn't even finish the test. Once again never even given a drug test. As a result I was made to go into drug treatment. How awful and humiliating for me to be there knowing i had never done what i was accused of. My own lawyer as I also found out later was siding in with the law guardian and giving me wrong advice. Unknown to me at the time they are the best of friends. The end result of this was I lost my 2 youngest children. They where taken from me by the courts and given to their father. I am not allowed to have contact with them except between certain hours of the day. No overnight visits and they are not allowed 1000 feet around my husband who has never done anything or said a cross word to them. I have not seen my youngest girl in 2 years. My ex will not answer my calls and will not allow me near his apartment. I have heard they have convinced her that I don't want her. And everyone in town thinks I am this awful beast of a mother. My oldest girl admitted to me that she lied to the courts but refuses to correct it. Now she won't even talk to me. My son on the other hand wouldn't stay with my ex and went with my mother. I do at least get to have visits with him. I don't know all this has taken a toll on me. I feel my life isn't worth living without my babies. Dealing with this and my physical disabilities awful. What do i have to look forward to each day? Missing my kids and pain from the moment i get up till i go to bed. Even my dreams are nightmares about this. I am so sorry this ended up being so long. I started typing and it all came out sigh.
     
  2. Acy

    Acy Mama Bear - TLC, Common Sense Staff Member Safety & Support

    Hi, skyrose. Welcome to SF! I'm sorry there's so much on your plate right now. This is a good place to vent - lots of supportive people here. I hope you keep posting and that it helps to talk about things. :smile:
     
  3. Moat

    Moat Banned Member

    To start off with, cooee, SkyRose, it is so happy to see you here, despite the circumstances that found you on this site!
    You do not ever have to worry about crying whenever post anything else - there is no one on SF who will judge you for it, with most of us having similar reasons so feel free to let it all out, for you will always find dozens of people online at any one time ready and willing to have your hand when you need it the most.
    What I would like to say first is that I apologise for your disability, but you have had a wonderful 37 years of life (and a wonderful husband to boot) so whenever you gets those bouts of depression, just think of how fortunate you are to have a partner in your life that you can lean on at any time.
    Concerning all you said, you have not been treated fairly at all and you certainly have grounds for a lawsuit, when you were not given an equal opportunity to prove 100% that you have never touched a drug in your life and that you were misrepresented by your lawyer during the hearings. Certainly that the drug evaluation test was not even finished should give you grounds for a mistrial and be able to sue them for misconduct of your case, considering it has cost you the right to live and raise you two youngest children.
    The fact that your ex doesn't like your present husband comes as no surprise - I doubt that any ex likes the next man, as they do not like the thought that they are being replaced as that 'special someone' in a person's life to whom they once cared so much for. But for your daughter to do those things, I am sorry to tell you, but although you raise your children with everything they could ever want and need and provide endless love to them, she is nothing but a selfish twat who only thinks about her own happiness, instead of finding happiness in her own mother for getting what you really deserve. I assume that she is old enough (at least in her mid teens) to decide for herself that if she wants to be with her biological father, then she has that right, but she has no right whatsoever to treat you and your new husband as she has. I know you love her very much, regardless of what she has said and done, but you do not have to take any of that crap from her and certainly not let her get away with it.
    I do not have children (yet, at least) so I am unable to fully understand everything you must be thinking and feeling, but suicide is not the answer to your problems. Not when you have legitimate claims to fight the court verdict to get it overturned. The old saying "Suicide is a long term solution to a temporary problem" is very much true, and while it is perfectly well (and, strangely enough, healthy to think and contemplate it sometimes), while you have even one small ounce of hope in which you can fight back, then you should take it and never let go of that memory for which you are fighting for: to live, love and share in the joy of being with your two youngest children again.
     
  4. houseofcards

    houseofcards Well-Known Member

    Hi there, welcome :) I hope you can find some great support on here. Don't be afraid to reach out for help - we're all here for you.
     
  5. meaningless-vessel

    meaningless-vessel Well-Known Member

    I concur with everything that's been said before.

    :welcome: and I hope you find some much needed support as this is not the best of times for you. You'll often see me around the chat room more than the forum, but I'm usually up for listening at least.
     
  6. Whispers

    Whispers Banned Member

    Hi, Skyrose. I got your PM and am here to talk if you wish. I am mainly on the forums so IM (instant message) there in one of the rooms and I will be more than happy to talk.
     
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