Hi - not all about me

Discussion in 'Welcome' started by Wentworth, Mar 1, 2013.

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  1. Wentworth

    Wentworth Account Closed


    I’m looking forward to joining your community, in an attempt to find some support and hopefully to offer some of my own, if possible.

    Things are day to day at the moment, as I am trying to crawl out of the pit of depression.
    The main problem I am suffering with now is loneliness and despair. My partner works long and erratic hours now, so I hardly see him and we’ve grown apart in many ways. He is exhausted most days and would rather be alone anyway when returning home from work.

    I don’t get out anywhere near as much as I used to, or should, so I have virtually no social circle any longer other than online friends. I am unable to work at the moment due to both mental and physical illnesses.

    I joined this initially in desperation I’ll admit, but have calmed since. I hope you folks are dealing with your troubles the best way you know how. I wish everybody the very very best here at achieving your goals. Each and every one of you each deserves a chance at a fulfilling life as much as the next person.

    Glad to be here.
  2. Theodora

    Theodora Well-Known Member

    Welcome Wentworth, hope you get all you want and need on here.
  3. nagisa

    nagisa Chat & Forum Buddy Staff Alumni

    Welcome to SF. :) I hope you find what you're looking for here. :hug:
  4. W Miller

    W Miller Well-Known Member

    Hi Again, I had a difficult time finding my way back to you here. Unfortunately, I'm back at square one. My whole life has turned upside down. Needless to say, I've lost everything, including my partner, and am very much alone, in life now.

    I'm hoping to get back in touch with the community, again. Just, didn't want to seem dishonest, as to why I chose to show you I was already a member here.

    God, I sure hope this goes well, because, I'm just about in that state of crisis.

    This is not a suicide note.

    I was Wentworth, and lost my log-In credentials.
  5. W Miller

    W Miller Well-Known Member

    Thank you, for allowing me back here. I'll do my best to contribute to this community.

    Greatly appreciate the two welcomes above. Well, its been a rough day, so I'll try to write more when I can.

    I'll start fresh with a new thread, so no need to reply, unless you care to...:)

    Be safe all...
  6. NYJmpMaster

    NYJmpMaster Have a question? Message Me Staff Member Forum Owner ADMIN

    I am glad you found us again. You contribute by just being here so people know they are not alone and that there are many of us that struggle with similar issues. I hope you find some support that helps you see the chances fo ra little brighter future whether that means just the next few hours or for years to come.
  7. W Miller

    W Miller Well-Known Member

    Thank you NYJumpMaster.

    I'm going to give this a shot right here then, I guess.

    I'm a gay male in my mid 40's. I'm extremely depressed these days. Last year, when I joined, I was able to push the feelings away. I was in a long term relationship, with the love of my life. We broke up, because I was just too depressed, and he needed/deserved much better than I could offer. He was my only reason for living. I pretended to be okay with the breakup. But, I sank even further into depression. He's moved on, and I'm happy that he is happy now. We still keep in contact monthly. He doesn't know how I truly feel, and won't ever. He is still working long hours, and I was not able to be the support system he needed me to be.

    Nowadays, my depression is something I no longer have control over, and I'm not on medication. I'm back to drinking; sadly.

    I can get through evening by pretending to be in a different place. However, when I wake up, I''m in a huge dark place, I immediately get those "thoughts", right away. It takes every ounce of restraint to NOT follow through with it. I'm all alone now, and I know I could go unnoticed. This is just scary, and not at all the guy I'd pictured myself to be 20 years ago.

    It was out of desperation that I found my way back here, because I lost the link even, and had to g~oggle it. I was fairly sure the forum would be able to know it was me, by my d~igital id.

    So, I hope to be more help, than a drain on the community. I'll look around, and hopefully be able to help, in some way, when I can.

    Lets get through this together.
  8. W Miller

    W Miller Well-Known Member

    One of the biggest problems is my ED. I'm unable to perform anymore. Its becoming difficult to get an erection, even. This (in itself) is causing a whole level of despair. I was having problems long into our relationship, and that was a large part of what cause the breakup.

    Sorry, I'm just not having luck finding my way around here. I know I'm confused, but I'm not this bad normally.

    I see people in trouble, and I can't take away from others here. Might be it for me, might've been a mistake. Sorry...
  9. scaryforest

    scaryforest Banned Member

    hello, welcome.
    heartache sucks so bad, i empathize.
    any advice you have is greatly appreciated on forum.

    i also result to alcohol. have you been on meds at all before, how did they work?
  10. sudut

    sudut Well-Known Member

    hi wentworth. your support is much needed here.
  11. NYJmpMaster

    NYJmpMaster Have a question? Message Me Staff Member Forum Owner ADMIN

    No need to be in a hurry to try to do a lot of different things here and learn all the forums and sub forums and people and back stories. If you read something that strikes a chord and you want to reply then do so - I f you do not feel like it or do not want to then do not. When you post your issue you are portioning everybody that has a similar issue and encouraging others to find their own voice as well so in getting support you are giving iot- it is never a "one way street" so you are always helping somebody with your question or with your answers.

    I would really consider looking into some professional help with all three things, the depression, the alcohol, and the ED (which is very likely and very commonly the result of both of the other two issues). Aside from practical advice here and support,that hopefully will help you deal with the consequences of these three issues, all three are medical issues with genuine medical solutions available to help "cure" them. Have you spoken to doctors about any of three big issues? If nothing else it would give some information so you would know if it is a matter of needing support to find the strength to undertake the process of solving those problems or support with just dealing with the despair and depression that results form them.

    Take Care and Be Safe

    - Ben
  12. W Miller

    W Miller Well-Known Member

    Thank you for the welcome. I hope to help others, when I can. I'll be honest, I was doing ok, up until things went badly with this new guys I love. I broke it off for a while, and only started to drink even more. I'm sorry you also have this problem. Alcohol is a depressant,and I know the hangover are hell for us.

    Thank you, I'll do my best.
  13. scaryforest

    scaryforest Banned Member

    you said somewhere you're speaking to a new guy online. how is that going?
  14. W Miller

    W Miller Well-Known Member

    Nobody really new, I didn't quite put that right. I've only been talking to 4 guys for the past few years. I lost contact with them, for a while. I've reconnected with 2. But, only because I've forced it. Its going ok(ish). See, they are going through lots of their own crap, and I don't have the heart to drain them. So, as I hide my own issues. This is become a danger to my own health. Let me see if I can put it right (really want to get help here, so I'll be myself). I'm trying to get them into a better place, so, they won't notice my departure from life. I know this is bad. But how in Gods name, can I tell them what I'm going through, and not take them down. I just can't, and I'll suffer; badly.

    So, to answer your question, not all that good.

    I have only 1 online girl I talk to (she is my rock, and I do LOVE her like family). Without her, I'd be dead already. She can take anything, and so can I. People call tell me anything, and I'm not triggered. I'm used to it.

    Hope that made sense. I've been struggling all day trying to find the correct sub-forum (here) to describe my current issues. I hate to jump into the crisis section, for several reasons. One, is that, I'm not quite there yet. And, I'm not certain I would want help if I were to make the decision to exit life.

    Sorry, I wish I had a better answer.
    Last edited by a moderator: Sep 4, 2014
  15. W Miller

    W Miller Well-Known Member

    Feel like shit for keeping this thread going. I'm just not having luck finding the correct section(s) yet. I'm not drunk (totally), so I can function. But I am a functional Alcoholic, so I do a bit better while drinking.

    I'm hopeful about a few things. I got a PM here, and would like to see if there is a friendship that could become of it. People are really trying to help me here, and please don't think it goes unnoticed. Although I'm hopeful, that there could be people to reach out to here, the sinking feeling is still there, and I lose hope quickly. As I say (and as the title reads "not all about me") I hate to drain others, here, and make it all about me.

    Somebody please tell me if that is how I'm coming across, and I'll try harder to become a better part of the community. Right now, I feel pretty useless to your forum.
  16. W Miller

    W Miller Well-Known Member

    Okay, I was just reading what Ben wrote. "No need to be in a hurry to try to do a lot of different things here and learn all the forums and sub forums and people and back stories. If you read something that strikes a chord and you want to reply then do so - I f you do not feel like it or do not want to then do not."

    I'll just do that for now, and jump in when I can. Thank you again.
  17. scaryforest

    scaryforest Banned Member

    the sinking feeling i relate to.
    people talk and advise and then there's that brief silence before next post? ikr.
    you're doing fine! best thing is to be very open and honest here.
    you do not come off as one sided btw. please do not feel useless.
    you can pm me, if you'd like to get to know me
  18. W Miller

    W Miller Well-Known Member

    Requesting Thread Relocation

    ^Thank you for that ScaryForest, might just do that, at some point.

    I just thought of something. How would I get this thread moved away from the introduction forums, into the depression forum (or any other appropriate forum). Much of my issues are indeed depression related, and there is lots of support in this thread, already. I feel I could just stay in this thread for my stay here.

    Last edited by a moderator: Sep 4, 2014
  19. W Miller

    W Miller Well-Known Member

    Re: Requesting Thread Relocation

    I should go for now. I thank you all for the support. It means a lot to me, know that. I read each and every word of what was written. You've all given me some hope. See you tomorrow, and I feel as I could get help here. While, I know I need help in real life, this will have to do, for now.

    Thought's before I get wasted.

    1. I hope I hear back form a guy that sent me a PM. I'm a nice guy, really. I'm not a perv, unless that is what you are looking for. sometimes, I'm too depressed to keep it up though.

    2. I sent a few friend requests here, and I'll PM when I'm more coherent.

    3. I hope this thread is moved to another section. Its a long welcome to say the least ha'. Although, I'll write in it anyway, I guess, since people have posted; still.

    4. I'm hearing about things on the news, that are giving me hope.

    5. I'm not oversensitive, so I don't mind being ripped if it should happen at some point. Blunt is the only way to go, and truth is what counts. Advice is advice, aslo - good or bad, or whatever.

    6. I need to work on the things you've given me for advice, here, before I start any new threads.

    7. At some point, I'll have to address my sexual abuse here, just don't know how to go about it yet, because it would be too graphic, and I read the rules.

    8, 9, and 10, another time. Good night/day...
  20. scaryforest

    scaryforest Banned Member

    Re: Requesting Thread Relocation

    sometimes people take days/weeks to reply to pms due to many problems of own. it probably isn't because of you.
    you seem clued up. it will be interesting to talk to you sometime in the future!
    see you soon.
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