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Hi - not looking for advice, just support

Discussion in 'Welcome' started by Irrational, Aug 4, 2016.

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  1. Irrational

    Irrational Member


    I'm new on here. Feeling low, won't go into detail. I have a set of circumstances which are unusual, I'm a psychiatric nurse, I work with suicidal patients & I've had commendations for saving lives. I know I've made a difference. None of that stops me feeling this way, which is why my name on here is irrational. Most people who know me would say I'm super rational! I think the job makes things worse actually.

    Anyway, glad to be a member. I have suicidal thoughts every day, in response to something or in response to nothing. I hope that I can help some of you on here & be helped also. I have no relationships, professional or private, where I can talk about this.

    Thanks for reading.
  2. Brian777

    Brian777 Safety and Support SF Artist SF Supporter

    Hi Irrational, welcome to the forum. I kind of understand your dilemma, I'm an ER nurse(retired) and I know how difficult it is to reach out to those in our own field. I've dealt with depression and anxiety most of my life and kept it hidden at work, probably because I didn't want to deal with the stigma of mental illness which I felt was still prevalent in my area of nursing. Anyway, I'm sure you'll like it here, there are many good and caring people on this site who will support you and also benefit from your knowledge. Take care
  3. chiaroscura

    chiaroscura BestTimePlantTree?100 YearsAgo. NextBestTime?Now. SF Supporter

    Hello Irrational! I, for one, am really happy that you have come here. You have dimensions that a lot of us don't have, even though just about everyone here, I think (I'm new) battles the things you mentioned and everything related to it, so there's a quicker understanding from those here, as we've been there. Do not try to diagram that sentence hahaha. But, my mom was a psychiatric social worker in a mental institution and I read all of her textbooks, and got so interested in mental issues and all the theories. So I do understand a tiny bit of how your work is and how hard it can be when it gets to you, or gets you down, to put it mildly. (My parrot keeps jumping on my keyboard so it is harder to type ha) But your 3 dimensions: working with others at a job, having your own similar issues, and your ability to professionally deal with this whole topic, well that is wonderful, from my point of view. I hope you stay with us, and it has been my great pleasure to read your introduction and sort of meet you. :) Your friend, Chia
    Brian777 likes this.
  4. SinisterKid

    SinisterKid We either find a way, or make one. SF Supporter

    Hiya Irrational and welcome to SF. You are not the first mental health worker we have had in here and you wont be the last. So what have you identified as your triggers? Nothing is plain to understand, but you mention something as well. Just wondered what something was/is.

    The great thing about SF is its anonymous and no one will judge you. You can talk openly about anything knowing that what is said on SF stays on SF. Theres usually someone around and its open 24/7. I for one look forward to getting to know you a little better and hopefully you will allow me to pick your brains as I am keen to know as much about mental health issues as I can.
  5. Zeke171

    Zeke171 Active Member

    Hi, irrational...I just want to thank you for helping and supporting people with psychiatric problems. Mental illness is still so misunderstood and stigmatized in our society. While i'm not a professional caregiver, I've had to talk more people than I can remember "off the ledge" so to speak. People look at me as "level headed" and "balanced", but in truth I've been severely suicidal for years. My head is so messed up, but i'm very good at hiding my true feelings. So I can relate to what is going down in your life. I just want you to know there are people out there who will do their best to help you. Or at least make you feel better for that one day when you really need someone to confide in. So anyways, I hope you have a really nice day today!
    Brian777 and chiaroscura like this.
  6. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    Hi and welcome to the forum, never apologise for being who you are, you are who you are and the people that care about you will accept that. You can talk here confidentially and we will help you to the best of our ability. Hugs to you and know we care. Keep talking if it helps (hugs)
  7. Deety

    Deety SF Supporter

    Hi, I also work as an RN, but not in MH. Because of what happened last year as a student nurse (mental health act used and I made an attempt in the secure unit with items I had snuck in with me), I am concerned that if I get down enough and make another attempt I would be deregistered/have to go through a long process to determine my fitness to nurse. I love being a nurse, study and work is all I held onto at one stage. Anyway, welcome to the board, pm me if you would like to discuss anything. I had interesting experiences in the MH ward I had had placement at.
  8. Welcome to SF. Sometimes it can be really tough to take time for ourselves when we are always busy caring for others. I think it is awesome that you help others though, that is a really great thing to do. We are here for you, and I hope your time here can help you feel better
  9. Irrational

    Irrational Member

    Hi. Thanks so much for the replies, you all seem to be so lovely. Honestly, I'm really grateful for all of your kind words.

    Sinister kid (brilliant name) asks about triggers. Now there's a difficult one! I've had some bad experiences (who hasn't?!) my brother has schizophrenia & is treatment resistant which gives me loads of stress and also maybe there's a genetic predisposition towards non coping in my family (my uncle has schizophrenia too but we believe that my brother developed it after being raped when he was 17) I had a bad relationship for 17 years which I have a daughter, age 22, from. I've raised her alone. I'm also in a relationship with someone who doesn't get me and although he is kind he's not insightful in any way so makes me feel like I'm moaning all the time when I just want support! I'm thinking of ending this relationship because although we've just bought a house together he makes me unhappy with his indifference.

    I'm at work today, I work in a team which deals with emergency calls from people with mental health problems. Saturday night is he busiest because alcohol is a depressant and people who are already low tend to get lower and more desperate. I enjoy the job although also it is stressful obviously.

    I will add, I'm not depressed, I get enjoyment out of things and I laugh and joke often, no anhedonia or flat affect here!

    Anyway, thanks again to all of you kind people. I'm busy with work for a few days but when I get time I intend to read lots more on this forum and try to get to know you and your difficulties. You have made me feel so much better with your relies and I hope I can make you feel better too.
  10. chiaroscura

    chiaroscura BestTimePlantTree?100 YearsAgo. NextBestTime?Now. SF Supporter

    Darlingest Irra: That is one of the most uplifting messages I've seen in a while. I feel like jumping up and making more coffee! Maybe I will! It's great to hear from someone who knows both sides so well--it's a pure delight that you are zippy! It puts the zip in all of us, I'm sure, at least it does for me! And it's poignant that you work with sadness all the time, and yet still love and care for others, like those of us on here, who alternate giving with needing. You will be a major HIT on here, and I know you will have more and more and more people who think you are totally adorable, like i do now. As for the husband thing: we are getting the same mail. hahha (Is that the right saying?) My husband was the nicest man ever, but he was an unwanted child, extremely alone as a child, learned to cope well, and never felt the pain of all that. Which seems like a good thing, but actually, it meant he adapted to complete aloneness and he loved radios and TV. I was forever trying to explain my emo issues, and he was kind of like, "Sigh. This is an NFL playoff! But if you really MUST tell me about it, then go ahead." You know hahahah polite listening but clearly unwanted listening. We could have parted ways, but we didn't fight or argue, and he was so gentle and unharming that I was in a long dilemma. Recently he died in my arms, and my grief was like being hit by lightning, the pain, and lying on the floor where he died, with a pillow over my mouth, screaming his name, and begging him to come back. But I still acknowledge that he was not a healthy match for me, even tho when he died, I idealized him, but he wasn't ideal. So, I kind of understand your situation with that, too. In a way, I got out of it easy, without having to divorce. He had 2 kinds of cancer at once, unrelated types. Well, I'll force myself to HUSH now, but just know that you've brought a lot of happiness to me and others, and a VERY interesting back story. I soooo hope you stay!!! Love, Beth (Chia Roscura)
  11. AlexiMarie7

    AlexiMarie7 Staff Member Safety & Support

    Even though you've said you're not depressed, your regular suicidal thoughts are probably something you should express to and explore with another professional , particularly if the daily and family environment, both of which you are around a lot, are your triggers.

    Have you tried any therapy with your partner? You seem to appreciate him otherwise and with the house purchase, it seems as if you are deeply involved and it may not be easy to do a clean break, so perhaps it is worth exploring another route to try to work things through, if possible.
    It has been said--stereotypically so perhaps though--that men may lean towards problem solving listening rather than emotional listening, so he may need to be aware of the distinction and what you really need from him and that this type of support is 'normal' to need.
    chiaroscura likes this.
  12. AlexiMarie7

    AlexiMarie7 Staff Member Safety & Support

    I'm so sorry for the unsolicited advice. :( I only belatedly properly caught the title of the post.

    Can someone maybe delete my original reply please?
    chiaroscura likes this.
  13. chiaroscura

    chiaroscura BestTimePlantTree?100 YearsAgo. NextBestTime?Now. SF Supporter

    AlexiMarie7: Uh oh! I didn't see your post as being unsolicited advice. Therefore, I am suddenly aware that I have perhaps given out a ton of unsolicited advice, but I'm not sure, because I can't see the fault in yours. If you ever have the time, and if a mod or someone confirms that you gave out unsolicited advice or whatever you think you did wrong (to which I am blindly ignorant), would you mind sharing with me what was wrong with your post? I am sure I must have done the same thing, whatever it is, because I am flying blind here, and I am only slowly perceiving the patterns and the unspoken rules. I hope you don't feel bad at all! Whatever boat you're in, I'm in it, too, because I can't see what the error was with what you said. So arm in arm we will both learn something new. :( I'm sorry if the whole event made you sad at all. I like you and I'm so glad you are here. xo
  14. DrownedFishOnFire

    DrownedFishOnFire Seeing is Believing Forum Pro SF Supporter

    Its super akward position to be in as a professional. but just letting you know even Therapists have therapies for themselves too.... you never know what your coworkers are going through in their personal lifes. Just a normal thing
    chiaroscura likes this.
  15. Irrational

    Irrational Member


    It's fine honestly. I say I don't want advice because I'm so well qualified it seems ridiculous! However I always welcome another perspective & yours is very true & just what I would have said to myself

    Thanks for your kind words & for taking the time to reply. Please don't think you've offended me xx
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  16. Irrational

    Irrational Member


    Thanks for the kind reply. You are very bright & bubbly, I admire your style!

    I'm real busy at the moment with work. I hope to be back on here soon to chat more. Take care.

    chiaroscura likes this.
  17. sahel

    sahel SF Supporter

    I could say with confidence that your job is among the hard jobs if not the hardest. But I do admire you for every hour that you work and every single patient's life. I am so sorry for the issues that you personally have. Wish you best of luck and hope your job don't get to you. People like you makes the society a valuable place. Thanks (ir)rational.
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  18. chiaroscura

    chiaroscura BestTimePlantTree?100 YearsAgo. NextBestTime?Now. SF Supporter

    Sahel, said that so perfectly that i could never improve. Yes. Thank you. And all she said is true. You are an amazing and wonderful person in a difficult world. Thank you. And please don't try to reply, at least to me. I imagine you barely have time to sleep, in your work. I just wanted to reiterate Sahel's gorgeous message and sentiments. Your friend, always, Chia. PS And I especially love how she ended with y our name, and changed it! So great. (Ir)Rational. Sahel, you rock.
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  19. sahel

    sahel SF Supporter

    She deserves more, I can only wish and hope that all the good Karma comes back to her and her life.
    chiaroscura likes this.
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