At first i want to apologize for my english, it isnt my first language. Im 23 years old guy. Read it only if you are bored, its really long Im not sure where to begin with my story, i just know i must do it now. Lets start from the beginning. When i had 8 years my parents divorced. No big deal, since Father was not a good man anyway. Few years later Mom found herself a new man. He was nice and all, too bad he liked little boys. Well after few years she broke up with him. This left few scars on my soul, but once again there are some people who can live with it, so why cant i. Short after we had to change living place for much worst because of financial problems. Again i told myself some people do worst and after i finish school i will get out of this mess. But I had about 15 years and didnt have much to live for. Therefor i wasnt very communicative at my new school. That means easy target for kids who like to kick in to people who are already down. I didnt want to go in to school anymore. So they sent me to some psychologist for problematic kids. That psychologist told me im makeing too big deal out of small things. He also told me that the reason why i dont fit in is because my minds was older than my body, therefor i have nothing to talk about with them. I dont think she was right. Anyway they sent me back to school and like nothing happens. Actually teachers start to blame me for not fitting in. At 16 years i finish school and find myself to be unable to continue in any sort of daily studium. I just couldnt stay in class anymore. But i still tried. I were blameing myself for being weak. But i failed one school. 1 year was lost and i had to find some job. Then i failed second school. Again i had to find myself some job. Guess what, then i failed 3rd school... Again time for bad job. Finally i give it last try for long distance studium. Here im in 3rd year and maybe i could finish it, i dont know. Problem is im under constant psychical abuse from my neighbors which i cannot prove. They start it, because we are only poor family in street. Others who dont participate...well they just close their eyes like people do. Its much easier. What kind of abuse you ask? Well those are little things here and there. Little provokation, reminding me of my past which i would really love to forget. Poiting light in to my window or throw shit before our doorsteps. We live very close to school which i finished at my 16 years age, so same kind of things coming from there too. I dont know, it seems like people really love it if they can torture someone you know? Lately i haveing really bad thoughts. Im almost certain if i dont kill myself, i will start kill other people. For example now at 23 years age i make plan in my mind to beat up my neighbor very badly. Following day i did it. That neighbor was 68 years old.. ( i know what you think, but God knows he deserve it ). Only problem was police find about it. It seems like i brake his face and most likely its not gonna be unpunished. I feel like im at point of no return. Do you think that too?