Hi there

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Larry, May 14, 2010.

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  1. Larry

    Larry Member

    Hi everyone. I've seen forums like this in the past, and I'm sure I'm like all of you, never saw myself coming here to share. I'm not sure why I'm here because I've pretty much made my decsicion. I go tomorrow to purchase the things I need to end my life. My god, I hurt so bad right now. I've been crying for the better part of two weeks straight. I feel disorientated and having a hard time doing simple things. I don't want help. I do want to share my feelings, but I guess I'm just confused right now. I've never wanted to die like I do right now.
     
  2. Madam Mim

    Madam Mim Well-Known Member

    Hi Larry,

    I'm new here too, and I'm not sure what I can say that will help, but I want you to know that you're not alone. I feel much the same as you (I already have what I need to end it, just 2 more weeks to go!), but I hope that you've joined SF because subconsciously you don't want to die.

    I wish I could be more help, but keep talking to people, and please ask for help. You deserve better than this.

    Mim
     
  3. Larry

    Larry Member

    I thank you for saying that. I feel certain this is the only answer left for me, but I guess I really just want to stop hurting. I've done self medication, I've done NON self medication, tried Eckhart Tolle ( great man by the way ). I think we all have triggers and I had my final one last week. To be honest, I feel a sense of peace considering the idea that soon I won't hurt anymore. Thank you for sharing!
     
  4. Larry

    Larry Member

    Madam Mim, you told me that I deserve better than this. Well, I think since you reached out to me, you do to. THanks again for the post
     
  5. Madam Mim

    Madam Mim Well-Known Member

    I completely get your last comment about not hurting anyone anymore, but Larry (and I am aware that I am a huge hypocrite saying this), don't you think it'll hurt people when you kill yourself? You may feel that no-one cares, but I can almost guarrantee you that they do.

    May I ask what the final straw was? Obviously you do not have to share if you'd rather not, it's just that sometimes we don't see things clearly, and maybe it would be good to have someone else's view of things?
     
  6. Perfect Melancholy

    Perfect Melancholy SF Friend

    HI both of you, I think your right if you both reach out now, there is a way to get this resolved not easy I know but its the first steps in maybe giving yourself a second chance in life-and at the end of the day you both deserve to.


    I find that venting, or just reading things here helps me get a better understanding about how I feel etc, and maybe it can give you the support and courage to get the help you need- I hope so anyway -stops rambling- o_O
     
  7. Larry

    Larry Member

    I don't mind sharing. I don't have anything to lose. Last week ( on my dang birthday to boot ) I logged onto my wifes email account ( which we do from time to time, as we neve had anything to hide ) to get our new online banking PIN #. I saw that my brother in law had written to her. I thought of course since I was at work all day they were trying to get in touch with me, but no that wasn't it at all. First of all , kinda selfish on my part to think they he would email me through my wife...oh well. Anyhow I come to find out that they had been planning on running off together. I discoved this secret relationship. It may sound petty to some, but after the year I just had ( there I go again , like it's all about me ) this was straw. I was angry with her of course and I told them both what I thought of it. My wife is begging me for forgiveness and he is acting like he was allowing her to reach out to him, that it meant nothing to him. Now my little sister and my mom is trying to avoid me, like I did something wrong. The family thinks the world of both my wife and brother in law, and it seems like I'm the only one that finds issue with this. Like I said though, this is just the trigger. I was feeling suicidal before this. Sounds like a dang Springer show! BUt it doesn't feel like one.
     
  8. Madam Mim

    Madam Mim Well-Known Member

    Oh Larry, I'm so sorry. That's absolutely terrible. I'm so sorry for you. I can't believe that your sister is treating you so badly as well! I suppose she's in denial or something. And I can't help feeling that your wife's a bit stupid for not hiding it better, although I wonder if she didn't secretly want you to find out for some reason.

    I've never really been in a situation like this before, so I don't know what to suggest, or even what I would do about it. I think I'd probably either leave myself or kick my wife out and tell them (and you mother and sister) to all go to hell.

    Remember that you are better than them. You haven't done anything wrong, so it shouldn't be you feeling bad here, it should be them.

    LostsJavaTest, thank you for your post. It's so nice to have someone care, even a little bit.
     
  9. Larry

    Larry Member

    Thank you Madam Mim. You sound like a kind person with kind words.
     
  10. Madam Mim

    Madam Mim Well-Known Member

    You're welcome, and thank you yourself. I just wish there was more I could do than sympathise.
     
  11. jabooty

    jabooty Banned Member

    man another story of heartbreak...i feel for you! im sorry that this happened to you! just so wrong...leave her is the best advice I can give you. Once bitten twice shy!
     
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