Hi there, my name is Anthony. I'm 20 years old from the Midwest, here is a brief synopsis of my past few years, one might assume this is why I found this forum. Since I was born death, suicide and misfortune have followed me. Wether it be luck, karma, or just how my life will be. One grandfather died after my conception, the other 12 hours before I was born, 15 minutes after hearing I was coming to this world. My parents abandoned me at 16, causing me to live with my close friend at the time. He later died in a car crash exactly 1 month (hour and time exact) from his birthday. After finding myself again I moved to my co workers home, after 6 months of living there he was found dead (hung himself) in his parents home, I was just turning 18. Following this instance my grandmother, the only family that recognized me, passed away from unknown causes in her front yard cutting the grass. They presume it was of natural causes. I'm 20 now, living on my own for the past 2 years constantly I find myself avoiding social gatherings, I don't like to make friends or even an acquittance in the fear that anybody I know ends up not liking me or dying. My parents have not spoken to me since I left, I don't even know about their where abouts, and frankly don't care. I'm worried about myself, more and more each day I feel empty inside, the constant realization that life ends and all the hard work, suffering, and love are just memories for the living and become a waste after you kick the bucket. Please don't reply offering spiritual help, I cant grasp that concept but I do respect those who do. I don't write this looking for attention the grief has been in my life for years as I get older I'm finding it more and more troubling. I stumbled upon this site hopefully seeking someone similar or as miserable as me who I can talk to, because in reality my cat doesn't give 2 shits about my problems. :tiger: Thanks for reading!