hi there

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by holdem, May 19, 2011.

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  1. holdem

    holdem Member

    dunno why the hell ive registered here anyway
    iam just thinking
    its a support site apparently n ppl r on here coz they wanna survive. so iam just thinking.. could anyone pls tell me one good reason not to blow my brain up? just one good reason?
    thanks..
     
  2. holdem

    holdem Member

    lol thats what i thought. theres non. take care, good luck:)
     
  3. *kyle*

    *kyle* Well-Known Member

    everyone has there own reason, mine is '' the world will have to kill me before i kill myself, for the will to survive is what keeps me alive and nothin can stop me'' you have to keep that engine pumping cowboy, if the only one who can stop you is you, then your indistructable.
     
  4. holdem

    holdem Member

    oh
    thank u very much for replying
    appretate a lot.
    well, i was destroying myself for over a year now, today i decided 'thats it, no more' lol
    n just got another hudge blow. the biggest so far. its over for me now, i know n understand it, the question is wether to chose to end it quick right here n now or to go on killin myself slowly. iam afraid of killing myself, but i dont wanna suffer no more:( i had more than enough u know
     
  5. TrudgeON

    TrudgeON New Member

    I understand your mindset. What keeps me going is knowing that anything can happen at any moment...that includes things for the better. The illusion with suicidal thoughts, which I have regularly, is that things will never change. It's a daily process for me. I have no clue how I can possibly "fix" my circumstances. But if I can stop obsessing on all my problems and the need to figure them all out and, instead, think about helping someone else, even for a moment, it helps.
     
  6. *kyle*

    *kyle* Well-Known Member

    do you mind if i ask whats troubling you? i know its seems so right to end it,
    but theres alot of change comeing ur way, good and bad.
    the movie called life staring you, its a shame to turn it off before the end.
     
  7. holdem

    holdem Member

    iam a fuckig shit actor i guess, lol
    anyways, i get ur point, guys, i get what ure trying to say, but... thanks for trying to talk to me. best luck in ur own lifes
    take care
     
  8. *kyle*

    *kyle* Well-Known Member

    i hope you post again sometime, think things through, remember that things always change. please pm me sometime and talk about it. i hope it works out for you. remember '' no power is more great than the will to survive, and theres no greater struggle than the fight for survival''.
     
  9. holdem

    holdem Member

    yeh, iam posting again.. thanks..
    things arent going right. every day it get worse. nothing will ever change. well, at least not for me
    dont know why im writing all this anyway
    pathetic lol
     
  10. tweetypie

    tweetypie Antiquities Friend

    Hi :) i thought things were never going to get better either. they get better and they get worse and they get better again. You can never know what is around the corner! You could meet the person of your dreams or win the lottery or anything you never know....worst case scenario..you have to stay here and talk to us xxx
     
  11. holdem

    holdem Member

    lol thank u
    that made me smile:)
    the problem is, i did meet a person of my dreams
    and i did win the lottery - not literally - but my prize has destroyed my life
    dont want that anymore. i just wish the pain could stop
    thank u for your msg:)
     
  12. tweetypie

    tweetypie Antiquities Friend

    if i could stop it for you i would ! i cant but i can stick around you no if u just want to talk xx
     
  13. holdem

    holdem Member

    iam destoying myself with alcohol and drugs, coz thats the only escape left, u know.. the other day i have decided to seek for help, i went to a local gp and surprise surprise, they refused me, becouse i didnt have the required papers. i went there n told the girl im in deep crisis and need help urgently before something bad happened and they politely suggested to go to the nearest walk in center, becouse they couldnt register me without id and two proofs of adress, even though i offered to pay them. this country is funny sometimes:)
    oh well, story of my silly life:)
     
  14. holdem

    holdem Member

    thank u:)
     
  15. tweetypie

    tweetypie Antiquities Friend

    the health service is appaling ...its so bad its actually verging on criminal but you should be proud of yourself for trying because that takes guts ! the problem is that most people because it takes so much to actually ask for help when they get turned away thats the only time they will ask. Its so hard to actually admit you need them and they throw it back at you. It must be very frustrating to say the least but dont let it be a sign that its meant to be that way ! go give em hell make a fuss go to a walk in centre or accident and emergency ..make them earn their money ..
     
  16. holdem

    holdem Member

    i do think its a sign. i wont try to force someone to help me if they dont want to. probably its not worth it, she saw it in my eyes lol thank u very much for talkin to me:)
     
  17. tweetypie

    tweetypie Antiquities Friend

    ahh u see i have a cunning plan ....while you are here youre not there ! aha! but seriously just give us all a change to make you feel better stay and come into chat make posts about whats bugging you whats making you down chat with other members some of whom will be in the same or similar boat to you let us support you through this awful time xx
     
  18. holdem

    holdem Member

    heyyy... thanks for ur replay. im not well... :awww:
    u know, im from uk. i loved a girl, she fucked me up. i loved another one, she fucked me up even more. now i find myself gettin old realising ill never have anyone in my life. thats so frustrating. i had plans, had opportunities. its been a lot about my dough, i was trying for it. but nothing, no result what so ever.
    now i have a friend i can help to get into this country, but i wonder, will he just fuck me up as everyone else did?
    dunno what to do.
    all i ever needed
    all i ever wanted
    all i ever dreamt of
    its gone
    dead n gone
    only the pain left. endless, growing pain. i simply want it to stop. thats it, u know. i dont want much more than that. i cant jump off the building, cant jump in front of the train. i have a gun, but cant use it. im a coward i guess. im afraid to hurt myself but not die n suffer even more afterwards. i dunno what to do. i cant think of a way to kill myself, but i cant think of a way to live neither. m so lost:(
     
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