I registered on here a while back, but was not comfortable with sharing my feelings with anyone. Long story short i'm a 32 year old male with Bipolar and have been amongst other things, depressed since I as 16. Twice tried (in 1995 and 2005), and failed to kill myself. It is constantly on my mind and I have to take everyday as it comes. I can't set any goals, because if I don't achieve them, it will be just another failure in my life. For the past 2 years I have kept suicide notes ready to print out on my computer one each to my parents, one to each of my kids and one to my ex wife. I just update them now and again as I see fit. Lets face it, life is shitty and things don't always get better, but as the old cliche says 'suicide is a permanent problem to a temporary problem'. But how long does a temporay problem last? If having Bipolar wasn't bad enough, the folowing things have happened in the past 10 years that I had no control over; 1. Kicked out of the army for behavioural problems 2. Parents got divorced 3. Made redundant from job 4. Brother kills himself 5. Get meningitis 6. Redundant from job...again!!!! 7. Get divorced 8. No longer speak to my dad But i'm still here, for now anyway. Merry Christmas to everyone.