Discussion in 'Welcome' started by missybct, Oct 26, 2012.

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  1. missybct

    missybct New Member

    ...dipping in my toe a bit tentatively!
    I'm Missybct from the UK and I'm 27. I wanted to join some place where I wouldn't be judged and where people were friendly. It looks like I've found it. A bit about me;

    I've been in and out of various mental health practices since I was 8. Counselling, therapy sessions, psychiatrists, mental health nurses, the whole shebang! I basically have very bad anxiety - no real diagnosis attached. I strongly suspect I have bipolar, although it's very spaced out. I am utterly rubbish at concentrating, spontaneous, doing things on whim and then losing interest, etc etc. I then have long periods of very flat behaviour like I am having now, and wanting to end it all. I won't do it; I know I am too much of a coward to do it (worth mentioning that I've near enough failed at everything I've ever laid my hands on; school, driving, diets, relationships etc) and it would devastate my Mum.

    For many years I was utterly in denial. It was just a phase, albeit one that happened every 2-3 months. I'd "grow" out of it. Bit laughable now! I've finally accepted that no, this is me, and I've got to deal with it.

    I don't work. I've tried in the last 10 years probably about 15 separate times to get back into work and to have a normal life. My brain says uh oh, and then I end up in a state of psychosis and that's the end of that. All I want is the normal lives my friends have; marriage, buying a house, having a car. I don't want children; I wouldn't dare have one when I can't even look after myself.

    I self harm - I went through a phase when I was 14, 18, then 21, then 23, then 25 and now again at 27. It's the only sense of realism I have, which sounds pathetic. It does help but it destroys my family.

    So here I am - I'm chronically lonely (I have a partner who is great and supportive but doesn't really understand fully) with very few friends. They're not interested in me unless I'm buying drinks or being part of their drunkeness. I thought at 27 I would have proper, well meaning friends away from the school playgrounds, but I guess I am too scared to get close to anyone properly. I'm very good at giving advice and absolutely appalling at receiving it and taken it on board.

    Fortunately I seem to have found a good, fresh doctor. He seems determined to get the right medication, so I've had cycles of a few. They've decided to put me on Tramozone today, so we'll see how that goes.

    Basically just wanted to say hi really - I hope to be of some support to those suffering x
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Hi missybct I am glad you have found a good doctor now HOpe you get the meds that will help bring you some stability It is certainly a safe place here with no judgements just kind people to talk to Nice to meet you.
  3. youRprecious!

    youRprecious! Antiquities Friend

    Hi Missy, pleased to meet you honey. SF is a great place for helping us understand about other peoples' struggles and insights and stuff like that. I certainly can relate to the stuff from childhood - you mention your Mum - I don't know what sort of relationship you grew up with as far as your 2 parents were concerned - I know my issues stem from never being allowed to know my father.

    Hoping that you will stay and find solace, comfort, help and strength at SF. We all of us here are grateful for it, and will try our very best to give help and support and encouragement honey :) God bless
  4. Charliebaby0312

    Charliebaby0312 New Member

    Hi Missy,
    I can totally relate to the years of counseling and seeing different doctors. I can also relate to friends who don't care, who are not interested, or can't relate. There are plenty of "party friends" out there and not enough genuine people. We are cool as long as times are fast and fun, but don't bother to look to them for anything more. I feel that my expectations were too high and maybe I should be looking no further than myself.

    Anyway, welcome. I am new here as well.
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