hi

Discussion in 'Welcome' started by alyonova, Jun 6, 2014.

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  1. alyonova

    alyonova New Member

    hi everybody

    i am not very good with introductions so i guess i will dive head first in to the details. my mind constantly plays scenarios of my death in graphic detail. my past is so messed up, i have been used and abused so much that i dont trust anybody. everybody i meet is out to get me, to take advantage of me in one way or another in order to profit for themselves. anybody who isnt, is a liar. it has been a miracle in itself that i am starting to feel comfortable with sharing my feelings on the internet. it has taken over a year with the help of people on other support websites just to get me to this point.

    i feel so useless that i couldnt even kill myself when i tried, on three separate occasions to be specific. the only thing that is keeping me alive right now is the fear of failure. i mean, the last thing i need is to end up with special needs for the rest of my life because i stuffed it. i wish somebody would break in to my house and murder me. the only thing i would ask is that it happens slowly enough that i realise my time is up, the suffering will soon be over and it is out of my control.

    so after a d/m conversation i was recommended to join this community from a good friend and moderator on depression forums.org, he says this is a good community with wonderful people who will help in my struggles with life.

    it is nice to meet you all.

    aly
     
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Hi alyonova good to see you reaching out for support here. I know people can be so very cruel i know that but coming here has shown me people can also be so very kind as well
    I hope you continue to talk to us and use us for support now ok no more harming you hugs
     
  3. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    Welcome to the forums x
     
  4. FordPrefect42

    FordPrefect42 Member

    I'm new here myself, but so far I'd say your friend was right...this does seem to be a wonderful community. I know what you mean about feeling useless too. After 2 attempts and a major car accident and hearing the words "It's a miracle you're alive" after each I not only felt useless but that the universe was in fact laughing at me as well.

    I'm glad you're at a point where you feel comfortable sharing your feelings with someone! It's amazing how much better you can feel by just opening up to someone, and the people here seem trustworthy for that :)
     
  5. emily83

    emily83 Well-Known Member

    i thought i'd welcomed you, but obviously not.

    hi and welcome to the forums
     
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