Hi My name is Mihael i am 20 year old man, some might even say a boy. I still grow. Anyway i am here cause i have been feeling depressed for 4 years now. I have entered late puberty and nothing in my life hasn't been easy. There are some secrets about me that i will not say, at least not yet, not here right now. I had several suicide attempts in the past. I won't be specific at all cause i know it's against the rules in the forum,but let's just say it involved <mod edit- methods> That's all i'm going to say about it. Now moving on. I am not sure if i am going to commit suicide at this point. I sometimes still think there is a chance. But i don't like to think that. I would like to not be bothered with guilt and just be able to die. But i didn't die yet, that is something. I live for others right now, maybe even for myself a little bit, but not that i am happy. Not at all. Even though i can laugh. I have learned to fight the horrible monotony of being sad all the time and replace it with small amounts of occassional happy moments. I have fought through life with wrong ways. I sometimes abused alcohol and pills. I used to steal. But i'm trying to be better. Anyway i want to say hello to everyone on this forum.