Hi

Discussion in 'Welcome' started by zebedee72, Feb 10, 2015.

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  1. zebedee72

    zebedee72 Member

    Names Zebedee, 42 years old and suffered with mental health issues since I was about 14 when I had a breakdown. By hook or by crook I've survived and by some standards have done well for myself.

    But that doesn't detract from the dark thoughts and demons that live inside my head. <Mod Edit - Acy - methods> One day I will, I know that and I feel that day is now looming and approaching fast.

    If I've already decided then why have I joined here ? Truth is I don't know, maybe to see if there's anything I've missed in coming to this decision. Bar my brother my family are all dead, my job pays well but that's going down the pan and my other half whilst a lovely girl causes me far more problems than she'd ever solve.

    So, there seems one certain way out of it.

    Thanks for reading.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Feb 16, 2015
  2. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    Hello zebedee and welcome to SF. However bad you feel, suicide is not the answer. How have you managed to hang on this long? I think you have joined to gain support and to see do people understand. The answer is yes we totally do understand, most of us have been there. Keep talking here if you find it helps.
     
  3. zebedee72

    zebedee72 Member

    Hi Petal

    I've genuinely no idea how I've hung on for as long as I have. Or why. I've had these thoughts on and off (usually for prolonged periods) for nearly 30 years and I've always known I'd die by my own hand. I decided and accepted that many many years ago. The only variable in the equation was 'when', that's what until recently I didn't know, but it appears that I now know that as well. I'm not looking for pity, or people to feel sorry for me. I'm not looking for the sympathy vote, I'm just very 'matter of fact' about it all and have been for a long time.

    One thing I can say is I've tried.

    As I said most of my family have now passed, and my circle of friends has diminished for varying reasons too long winded for here. This whole situation really is 'one of those' and that's the only way I look at it. I'm not even bitter about it, as I said just matter of fact.
     
  4. Unknown_111

    Unknown_111 Forum Buddy Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    Welcome to the forum. Please remember life is important and so ARE YOU.
     
  5. zebedee72

    zebedee72 Member

    Thanks.

    Just not important enough I guess. That's life.
     
  6. AAA3330

    AAA3330 Well-Known Member

    Welcome to the forum.
     
  7. Mr Stewart

    Mr Stewart Well-Known Member

    Welcome, zebedee. It helps, a lot sometimes, to be here and talk to others who are going through similar. Please take care. :)
     
  8. zebedee72

    zebedee72 Member

    Bad day today I'm afraid, the demons in my head have given me a rough time. <Mod Edit - Acy - inappropriate>
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Feb 16, 2015
  9. Acy

    Acy Mama Bear - TLC, Common Sense Staff Member Safety & Support

    Zebedee, I'm sorry you're having a rough time. I'm glad you are here to post. Is there anything specific that has brought you down low? Maybe we can offer you some extra support. Do you have a therapist or someone else irl to talk to?

    Stay safe. :hug:
     
  10. Unknown_111

    Unknown_111 Forum Buddy Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    Please can you refrain doing anything as you are important. You have to be strong.
     
  11. zebedee72

    zebedee72 Member

    Sorry, didn't realise what I said wasn't allowed.

    Therapy ? Been there, done that. For years. For me, it doesn't work. For those for whom it does fair play, but for me it doesn't. Issues way too deep seated for that, and been going on waaaay to long.
     
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