Hi

Discussion in 'Welcome' started by howling-pain, Feb 12, 2015.

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  1. howling-pain

    howling-pain Member

    Hello... You can call me Howl. It's not my real name, but I prefer not using my real name online anyway... I'm 27 years old, and female. I feel this has been said a good deal of times, but I've had some severe anxiety issues for... closing in on at least 5 years now. Truth be told, I think it all started when I finally moved out from my parents house. My former friend talked me into it, but in all honesty, I'm pretty much a push-over. Anyone could talk me into anything they wanted, save a very small few things. I don't smoke (never liked the smell) and I rarely drink. And right now, I'm badly in debt, with a suspended license and owing the court over $5000 for the speeding ticket that I THOUGHT I'd taken care of. Right now, even though I have a wonderful new boyfriend compared to the online guy I was dating for a few years, anytime he wants to come over and be with me, I just want to sit alone at home and brood. He can usually tell something isn't right, and takes me being stand-off-ish as me needing someone there. But in all honesty, I feel better when it's just me at home. My mom is going to be trying to help me with the ticket issue, but my mind can only think of one way out of the hell I somehow worked myself into... As I said, most of my mental issues started when I moved out... the former room mate was not the best in the world, and simply up and left after her boyfriend moved in with her... leaving me with the house to myself... she rarely paid her half of the bills on time... And due to my not having quite enough money for rent itself, I'm actually pleased to say that my landlord, who is also my mother, was kind enough to allow me to live here simply paying my utilities. But with the speeding ticket, I doubt I'll even be able to hardly pay for my utilities anymore. My raw feelings on the screen before me, I still don't know what to do. I just want guidance, and at the very least someone to talk to that could possibly help me work through my depression. I know the major issues revolving money aren't something as easily helped with, but at least knowing I have someone on my side aside my parents (who nag constantly and honestly make my anxiety worse that way, I love them anyway :3) would be something that might help my anxiety lessen... I hope... Anyway... I will try to be around as much as I can...
     
  2. scaryforest

    scaryforest Banned Member

    sucks when you can t afford a lawyer to treat your case right i e so you don t have to pay
    so... idk how you ll take to this? how about raising funds and making your unfair case heard or some event where you do something like a sponsored walk and people pay? till you can get a lawyer to get the unfair lifted? idk if i made sense
    how much is mum paying to it?

    welcome to the forums though.
    i m the awkward one lol joking

    be well. and am glad you have people irl too
     
  3. howling-pain

    howling-pain Member

    @scaryforest My boyfriend doesn't know about my license suspension. There are times I want to tell him that his girlfriend is a fugitave... but at the same time, I still want to keep it secret. It hurts that I won't tell him everything, but at the same time, I'd rather keep the relationship strong with us. I do truly love him. My parents though... I feel even worse for this, as I near made Mom lose her car insurance. I don't know how much Mom will be able to help me pay, and I know that I won't be able to do much either. As for the fund raising, I'm a crafter. I have an Etsy shop as well, but the only thing I have up for sale in there is the $25 scarves I'm making.
     
  4. scaryforest

    scaryforest Banned Member

    this is good. make lots and lots. it s theraputic (sorry idk how to spell) AND beneficial.
    make lots of scarves. can you knit socks? or mittens?

    do you fear being honest with bf?
     
  5. howling-pain

    howling-pain Member

    I start up one, then get distracted with different projects afterward. I'm also making custom MLPs (go ahead and laugh, but anything I do with my hands like that helps me to take my mind off the pain sometimes...) and jewelry, even a set of fairy wings. I am only really good at one type of stitch, which is best used for making scarves or blankets.

    I don't really fear being honest with Azure (I'm using this name for my boyfriend), I just don't want to tell him this. It's something that, honestly, I don't want him to know, because I know that will give him more reason to invade my personal space. He is a bit overly clingy as is, which is a bit annoying. I've tried telling this to him, but it seems it just won't get through his head.
     
  6. scaryforest

    scaryforest Banned Member

    i m not laughing i didn t get the joke or were you serious? that s My illness. often don t get humour or not or

    i saw you went on chat. i hope people there have advice too.

    hmm what problems has he got to be so clingy? or is it just his personality? these questions may seem a bit far fetched and irrelevant but they really aren t
     
  7. howling-pain

    howling-pain Member

    There wasn't really a joke, but there have been many people who think My Little Pony is silly. I see it as a way of expressing my creativity and my thoughts. Anything having to do with crafts, really. Even just drawing on the computer.

    As for Azure, he claims that it was from previous relationships, and that he feels that I don't feel as comfortable being around him. I love him dearly, he is very kind and sweet, and always has some way of making me laugh. I'm guessing it's just his personality though. The last few times he's come over, I've not been feeling well, but he came anyway despite my saying I didn't feel up to company. In fact, there was one morning where he used my spare key to come in, and instead of taking the couch since I was dead asleep, he decided to crawl into the bed with me and wake me up. I told him this past evening to not ever do that again, that I ended up with a bad migraine afterward. He also has only really been in relationships where the only way he could find to make whomever he was with happy was by having sex with them. For me, that's not the only thing I seek in a relationship. But, right now, it feels like that is with him. So, until I know I can trust him to realize that there is more that I seek than just that, I try not to tell him things that don't really need to be said.
     
  8. scaryforest

    scaryforest Banned Member

    what about your own past relationships? and before the car fine?
     
  9. howling-pain

    howling-pain Member

    My past relationships have simply been hanging out and playing video games, possible cuddling while watching movies... things like that. I was virgin up until Azure. And before the fine, I was simply a happy person without really much to worry about. The fine apparently that wasn't taken care of was a 45 mph in a 35 zone. The cops in my town are jerks, really.
     
  10. scaryforest

    scaryforest Banned Member

    no no i wasn t asking your specific location am sorry if you thought i did somehow
    am just trying to help

    i mean no, jail, no jail. the scarves are a good start. also sell valuables you don t use?
    any other history? like mental ill health?

    i d idk. i d say to bf i am in a bit of trouble.
    also maybe have you two be more open with each other.
    not about money but just about general things?
     
  11. howling-pain

    howling-pain Member

    If I told him I was in a lot of trouble, he'd worry more, and ask more questions, and be even more clingy. And no worries about location. I was just stating that the cops here can be real jerks. They even harassed Azure the other day for the license plate on his bike being slightly off. Apparently they were saying they couldn't read it. As for mental health issues, the only person in my family I know of that has ever had any mental health issues is one of my deceased uncles. No, he didn't commit suicide... neither did... One died of alcoholism, the other from a seizure. But, the one that died of the seizure had never exactly been right in the head. I sometimes wonder if he wore off on me as a little girl, and I just didn't realize it up until now. That thought in and of itself scares me.
     
  12. scaryforest

    scaryforest Banned Member

    no, i well i m no professional, i m just some autistic idk who lol, but they said i help people. but anyway i think it may be smth like ptsd but NOT as bad as ptsd, like stress due to owing this cash.
    how long do you have to pay it also?
     
  13. howling-pain

    howling-pain Member

    I have a few friends that are autistic. The one that lives closest to me, I usually can tell her anything... but I just can't bring myself tell her this. I can't pull myself to do so. It would floor her. I do feel a bit better talking to you, though. It's likely stress due to the owing of the money. And as I said, it's over $5000... I'd be paying that off over the next three years, with increased insurance which my parents won't be helping me with. I'm basically in the boat of not much help with this especially with my parents. As it stands right now, if I were to be pulled over for any reason, I'd be in a whole heap more of trouble than I already am. I'm supposed to meet with Mom tomorrow after work, and honestly, I should have gone to her right after it happened. I thought I could handle it myself of course, but apparently I couldn't. I'm surprised she's still wanting to help me, though. My father, however, is not quite as nice about it, and I don't really want to talk to him at all about it. Just the thought makes me cry.
     
  14. DrownedFishOnFire

    DrownedFishOnFire Quieta non movere

    Welcome aboard, hope the fines get reduced somehow.
     
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