Discussion in 'Welcome' started by Poowy, Apr 30, 2015.

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  1. Poowy

    Poowy Member

    Hi everybody,

    I'm not really here for myself, but for my boyfriend. I'm not sure if the presentation board is the best one to describe my situation but I guess it's a start.

    I'm am a french girl who live in Tokyo since one month, with my boyfriend. We are together since 5 years, and we live together since 4 years.

    My boyfriend already had suicidal thoughts before we started dating, even though, he didn't really talked about them. To be honest, as far as he can remember, he always been a unhappy guy. He tried everything he could thought about : having a good job where he can invest himself in, invest himself in his passion, having a loving relationship. He also consulted a lot psychiatrists when he was a child, and for 6 months (with medication) this year, before stopping, saying it was useless.

    The most horrible part in this, is that he have two periods : whether he feel so bad and always think about suicide, whether he don't feeling anything (most of the part). When he feel really bad, I can do nothing. He won't talk to me, he is like a zombie or a ghost, I can't approach him ... Those phase are horrible and tend to appear more and more often since a year.

    He's used to pretend everything is alright, and I am the only one who really know about that (even though, he is so good at pretending, that most of the time, I "forget" about all of this. Tbh, it make me feel I'm a horrible person ... but that's not the subject here). When he is in front of his family, it seems like we are the perfect couple, that everything is alright ...

    It's been maybe 3 years that the situation is like that. Most of the time, it's "alright" because he's pretending and I kinda persuade myself he's getting better, but he is not.

    The reason I'm here today, is because two days ago, when he was in a bad period since 4 or 5 days, he went see me, and gave me a suicide letter. He told me "I decide not to do it. I can put my family and you through this, but this is the only reason I won't do it." He didn't say "for now" but it was implied. He was really on the verge of doing it. I was really afraid, the only thing I could do, was being by his side and wait.

    The day after that (yesterday), he was in his "alright" period. It's hard when he is like like, because all the panic I had is now gone. It feel like normal again, even if the day before, I felt like heart could stop.

    Now, I really don't know what to do. I thought of two solutions :
    - talking to a suicide hotline, and see what they can do for him (he won't call himself tough, not for now). I send them a email two day ago, when the big crisis was here. Hadn't had a response yet. I'll try calling them tomorrow, but I'm kinda afraid to do it. Writing is a thing, talking is kinda frightening.
    - trying to see if I can find someone who were in the same situation and could get through it (this is the only thing that could get me hope I think, and maybe for him too).

    I have done some research online, and most of the case, the case are not that "violent" (I'm sorry, I don't know how to say this, I really don't want to offend anyone). By that, I mean that most of the time, I only read about people that are in a suicide period. Or for him, most of his life has been like this. He don't even know how it is to feel happy or just to not feel bad.

    So, here I am. Trying to get some advice. Some personal advice. Like I said, the advice you find online are not really helpful for our/him as he suffered for a major depression since too many years.

    I'm sorry if I'm not in the right place to talk about this. The moderators can feel free to move this to a more appropriate board.

    If you have any question, feel free to ask.

    I'm sorry if my English has mistakes.

    I guess I'll see you around in the forum or the chat.

  2. DrownedFishOnFire

    DrownedFishOnFire Quieta non movere

    Sorry about your boyfriends issue. You are a very good observer.

    I have no idea how the Japanese mental health system work or how international workers get the help they need.
  3. ChestnutMay

    ChestnutMay Antiquities Friend

    Hi Charlotte, I'm sorry your boyfriend is having such a difficult time. He does need help and I think calling a suicide hotline is a great idea. They can tell you what kind of resources are available to him and give you some idea of where to start looking. A quick google search reveals that Japan has a national health insurance system but it is only available to foreigners with long term visas. Otherwise, you might have to pay up front. Do you have insurance through your employer? If so, check there to see what they will cover. I know your boyfriend tried medication in the past, but it sometimes takes awhile before the right combination of meds is identified and six months is really not all that long. It is definitely worth trying this route again.

    I know this is very hard for you, too, as you must be terribly worried. Please try to take care of yourself, too.
  4. Poowy

    Poowy Member

    Thank you for your answers.

    We are in Japan with a visa student, so we have the national health insurance in Japan. We did not took an other insurance for now, but if necessary, it's not a problem.
    Like I said, psychiatrist are not really an option. He tried a lot of them when he was a child and an adolescent, it didn't work, and now, he don't trust them and feel bad just when he think about that. Other people can prescribe medication other than psychiatrist? Is there any other option for people you "can't" go to a psychiatrist?

    I'll try to see if I can find an other board to talk about all that. This one is for presentation so it's not really the right place.
  5. DrownedFishOnFire

    DrownedFishOnFire Quieta non movere

    A regular doctor can prescribe meds as well. Just depends on the doctor themselves
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