Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by aviana, Jun 23, 2015.

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  1. aviana

    aviana Member

    I'm new. Family problem. Physical abused since I was small. Youngest child in family. Now I stay on my own because I'm scared of my family. Always suicidal (because of family problem). People asked me to move forward, forget the past, but my soul is so empty. Nothing interest me. I'm waiting myself to die everyday. I just hoping that someone can relate and understand. That's is enough for me to continue survive until the day I die. I'm sorry if this post is troubling you.
  2. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    Hello aviana and welcome. How old are you may I ask? No one deserves to go through physical abuse at the hands of their own family, I really feel for you. I hope we can help support you through all of this and that you can get well again.
  3. aviana

    aviana Member

    Thankyou Petal. I'm 20. I just need some support to continue living.
  4. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    Hi again :) Are you still living with your parents? If so, is moving out an option? Don't give up whatever you do because you are stronger than them. Feel free to tell us more about yourself :)
  5. aviana

    aviana Member

    Thank you Petal.

    It will happen again and again. My sister shouted at me for not being there at home when she came to my place. I didn’t know and I was not informed that she wants to come (to settle an issue). She shouted at me on the cell. My mum said I causes burden to everyone. Another family member said I’m a …. It’s too hurting I cannot say it here. I don’t have a degree like everyone else in the family. They’re all married and have a big house and luxury cars. My neighbors said I'm a.... because I'm not like everyone else in the family.

    I stay with mum. Mum hit me often and screamed at me for as long as I remember living in this world. Now I’m scared and shaking whenever I hear people scream or shout or raise their voice. Then I stay with grandma, she don’t like me, because she has to take care of me (age 7 or 8). She stay alone. Then I went back to my mum’s place. I used to stay at the school library until it closed because I don’t want to go home.

    When I reached 18, I went out from mum’s place to find a job. I live on my own in a rented room with a couple and their 3 kids. I got the room from an advertisement. Now I always stay late at work because I want to forget all my problems. But whenever things like this happened, I feel so sad, I have no one to turn to. That’s why I think about death everyday.
  6. DrownedFishOnFire

    DrownedFishOnFire Quieta non movere

    Work can be an escape from our problems.

    Is there someone a friend that you can hang out with and be comfortable with?
  7. aviana

    aviana Member

    Thank you DFOF. I have a friend, but she stayed in another state after she got a job there. I've talked to her, once, just recently over the cell, because I was suicidal, it's about my family. She can understand because we are friends from small. She knows my grandma don't like me. She knows I always have bad dreams in my sleep. But she don't know that I'm suicidal.

    But that is the only one time I talked to her about my problem and that's because I was stuck. She's the only friend I have. I don't want to lose her. I've once tried to talk to someone I know, not really a friend, but she cannot relate. Maybe I don't tell the whole story which I find it difficult to do it (to tell the whole story).
    Last edited by a moderator: Jun 24, 2015
  8. ja123

    ja123 New Member

    should talk to someone and tell them how your feeling. I would suggest a counselor and also find people that are caringsand understanding.

    I grew up in an abusive home plus bullying at school. Was like hell. Living in fear, kinda forgetting who you are, you basically become good at enduring. Traumatic.My sister left home about 14 I left about 17.

    Should see a counselor and maybe some kind of support group or friends to talk to. It sounds pretty bad staying at the school library till it closes, kinda reminds me of high school.

    I'm here if u wanna talk
  9. DrownedFishOnFire

    DrownedFishOnFire Quieta non movere

    Yes it's hard to find a friend to relate with, maybe over time there will be a new friend somewhere.

    If money is an issue what about trying socials or meet ups somewhere?
  10. aviana

    aviana Member

    Ja, DFOF
    Sorry about your story Ja. That’s exactly how I feel, fear, forget who I am, traumatic, confused. I moved out at 18.

    I will try to find the support group or any social groups. Hopefully overtime I can make some friends. It’s a big thing for me to do this as I don’t talk much, always want to be alone in the room. But I will try.
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