hi there! i´m new here, i´ve been reading posts for a couple of days and finally decided to introduce myself. i suppose i´ll try to sum up my story so that you can understand why is it that i´m here. the idea of suicide has been on my mind for nearly six years, i´m 21 next week, but it was never so strong as now. i must recognize i have some good days, today is one of them, or at least i´m.....mmm...stable..?? by the beggining of last year i was really depressed, i thought i was at the end of it and started thinking more seriously about killing myself, but then som things happened, i met people that made me realize it wasn´t necessary to be so extreme. i was doing pretty well, having bad days as everyone i guess, and the most horrible thing happened to me, my father killed himself ( i can´t avoid bursting into tears because it´s like writing about turns it completely real) since that day everything has been nothing but shit, sometimes i´m calmed like today but sometimes i get so....i don´t know how to describe it, i hurt myself, i hit and throw things...and sometimes i´m scared of myself. i just hope this will help at least to release all this horrible grief inside of me and understand i´m not the only one feeling horrible all the time.