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Discussion in 'Welcome' started by Jasmin, Feb 4, 2016.

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  1. Jasmin

    Jasmin New Member

    First thing I want to say, I feel weird, writing this. I feel like, yeez, I don't even know how to put that. It's not like I feel that nobody cares anyway but like I take to much attention with this, that somehow I don't have the right to write this and to ask for help, like I don't have anything that is worth talking about. Like everybody's problems are bigger than mine and I just should not take anyone's time, they could help somebody who need it more. So it's kind of a big step for me to write this.
    So a few things about me. I'm 18 and I'm depressed since I'm eleven. At least that's when I think it started. Around fourteen I started to think actively about suicide (searched for pills in my parents house) but never actually attempted to do it. So why am I here tonight? Because I decided that I needed to make a decision- if I'm going to seek help or end it all. I tried professionals twice and both time they never listen to me and even though I told them that I wanted to end it, they told me that it didn't sound so bad. So it's hard for me to open up, I'm scared to be crushed again. I can't open up to my family- tried that too, also ignored it, the same goes to my friends. I don't know why everybody ignores my mental state and I'm scared that it will be ignored here, too.
    But I need to make this decision and I just... just thought that maybe someone could give/find a reason to keep living, because honestly, I don't see any anymore. So I think what I want to say is this: Help.
  2. JmpMster

    JmpMster Have a question? Message Me Staff Member Forum Owner ADMIN

    I am glad you found us here and I hope you find the courage to open up. So far as professionals go, the skill of dr's and counselors varies in those professions the same as cooks , mechanics, pilots , etc in every other profession. Add to it the fact that not all will click with every personality , it is hard to find the right person with the skills that can also work in a way that works for you. I have a couple of personal experience things that you may or may not be able to relate to or apply to you situation -

    1. I do remember thinking the exact same thought - after told that "things don't sound so bad to me" by somebody- and after i shut down and went home thinking how useless they were and was going over in my mind the though how could they say that when I had not even told than 1/3 of the issues yet. Took me a little thinking before it occurred to me that is WHY they thought that, I had only told then a third of the issues and not the bad third at that- so yes - what I had been willing to discuss would not have been that bad- I am not sure if them failing to realize there was much more or the fact that when they said that I stopped talking was really to blame for the fact the session was ultimately a waste of my time.

    2. After having been told by many people "that sucks but is not that bad really", and then more to the point after being on here for a while and reading lots of stories of problems it would run through my mind on occasion - it might be a bad situation, but it didn't sound bad enough to kill oneself over or to make completely miserable. It was then it hit me , it is because I was not the one feeling it and that little cliche or pearl of wisdom about "it is not a situation that causes pain , it is a reaction to a situation" . So it does not matter in the least what a situation is or how it would effect me, just like my situation did not matter and others would react differently.
    The commonality was the sincere pain and the feelings, whether sharing real factual similarities in situation or not. If it causes you pain then it is that bad, and the fact that we are beyond our ability to cope is the real issue. None of the rest matters, if we cannot find a way to make it hurt less to ourselves. The "more than we can bare anymore" is a result of the depression and anxiety , not the actual situation. That is in some ways good news because we cannot always change a situation, but we can always find new ways to address depression and anxiety that makes situations unbearable until we are at a point when we can try to change a situation as well.

    I hope you take a chance here and trust that we will not belittle your situation in anyway , or your right to feel the pain you feel. Just want to listen, and provide a place to vent, and perhaps somebody else that has felt a similar pain can share a way that helps just a tiny bit. And if 10 people have different ways that all help a little, then suddenly you can start to feel a lot better.
    sofie likes this.
  3. Rockclimbinggirl

    Rockclimbinggirl SF climber Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    Welcome to SF.
    I care about you. Please keep posting. Even if two professionals dismissed you, reach out to another one. You're important and you matter.
  4. Moat

    Moat Banned Member

    Jasmine, nice to meet you and welcome to SF not just from myself, but also from PPG Bubbles (my avatar, who has become SF's official mascot... Well, as I like to think of her as, anyway!) - it is not just a community of like-minded people, but more like a family. We each support each other and help each other through the good and bad times and none of us judge anyone else based on the experiences we have had, so you are free to speak your mind about anything and everything (within the guidelines of the site rules, of course!).
    There is a chat system, so if any time of the day or night that you feel that things are a little bit difficult for you or just need someone to talk to or even just to kill the boredom, always feel to drop in there.

    Signing up on SF is a big step in the right direction, if you do not mind me saying so. You said you had reached the point where it either came to ending your life or seeking life and signing up on SF shows that you are further away from wanting to due than you thought and truthfully, you could not have made a better dicision!
    Like I said, no one here judges anyone else, because we all have our problems and you would be surprised at how many people have gone through (and still go through) some of the same things you are, so you are most welcome and encouraged to speak your thoughts and feelings as much as you dare to share.

    Despite my work schedule (I am a freelance journalist/ writer), you will find me on-line most of the time uowards to 15 hours a day, on and off, so if ever you wish to send me a PM (or a Conversation) as it is called here on SF) you can always guarantee that I will respond within an hour, no matter the time of day or night.

    Off-topic, I have to say, that Jasmine is one of my favourite names for girls, so I am really glad to meet you and hope that we talk more in the future, in the chat, instead of just forum posts (not just for the reason that Jasmine is one of my favourite names for a girl, but because you do truly seem an intriguing girl that I would like to get know better).
  5. sofie

    sofie Banned Member

    Hi Jasmin,
    Welcome to SF -- I am glad you found it. I am new myself but have found so many supportive people here, it is really amazing. It is helpful to have a place to say how you feel and know it will be accepted and, quite often, similar to what others are going through. Helps to not feel as isolated with the depression and anxiety.

    Please try to find a professional -- such as a counselor/therapist--to discuss things and know that it is perfectly normal to take a try or two to find the right fit. I have gone through the "finding a therapist" stage three times now and it is always tricky. This time was the easiest because I sent out emails to therapists covered by my insurance plan who indicated on my insurance's website a specialty or focus in areas that relate to my needs --it was a brief email but explained the crux of the immediate problem and the responses helped me narrow it to three potential, I met with two and for other reasons did not meet with the third. I was surprised it was that simple this time. Anyways, my point is, please understand that finding the right counselor takes time and if they diminish your pain then it is not that your pain is illegitimate but it is either a bad fit or you limited what you discussed in a way that skewed their impression of it. But you can find someone to help you start to sort this out and have SF in the meantime :)

    Hope to see you in chat sometime :)
  6. Katryn

    Katryn Member

    Jasmin thank you for joining SF

    Here you will find that few people will regard their problems bigger than yours, each of us fight our own spesific demons and they hurt, but still care about the others.

    I have found no critisism here, understanding, caring and advise however is given freely. Some advise in a situation makes sense and can be really used, some doesnt, maybe because it will not help in your unique situation, but everything said is because people here know how it feels not to be listened to or not to be properly understood.

    You made the right choice, keep on talking... We are here for you
  7. brknsilence

    brknsilence "Keep Moving Forward"-Meet The Robinsons movie

    Welcome to SF. It's good you're reaching out. Your life matters. You matter. We're all here for you. Please don't give up. If you want to talk, you can message me anytime. I hope you feel better soon. HUGS
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