First thing I want to say, I feel weird, writing this. I feel like, yeez, I don't even know how to put that. It's not like I feel that nobody cares anyway but like I take to much attention with this, that somehow I don't have the right to write this and to ask for help, like I don't have anything that is worth talking about. Like everybody's problems are bigger than mine and I just should not take anyone's time, they could help somebody who need it more. So it's kind of a big step for me to write this. So a few things about me. I'm 18 and I'm depressed since I'm eleven. At least that's when I think it started. Around fourteen I started to think actively about suicide (searched for pills in my parents house) but never actually attempted to do it. So why am I here tonight? Because I decided that I needed to make a decision- if I'm going to seek help or end it all. I tried professionals twice and both time they never listen to me and even though I told them that I wanted to end it, they told me that it didn't sound so bad. So it's hard for me to open up, I'm scared to be crushed again. I can't open up to my family- tried that too, also ignored it, the same goes to my friends. I don't know why everybody ignores my mental state and I'm scared that it will be ignored here, too. But I need to make this decision and I just... just thought that maybe someone could give/find a reason to keep living, because honestly, I don't see any anymore. So I think what I want to say is this: Help.