Hi

Discussion in 'Welcome' started by kerry, Apr 7, 2016.

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  1. kerry

    kerry Member

    Hi I'm Kerry and I'm new here. I need help and fast as I have already written a note <mod edit - methods> I'm at my lowest I have ever been.
    Please help
     
  2. NYJmpMaster

    NYJmpMaster Have a question? Message Me Staff Member Forum Owner ADMIN

    Welcome to SF kerry, I am glad you found us.

    Maybe if you told us a little about what has been going on we could give you a better idea of how we have handled similar thoughts? There is a time when it is really just best to call emergency services and ask for help also. In the end, if things are that bad , it can;t make it any worse- but it can give you a little break so you can actually think about things and find real help in fixing the things causing you pain.

    Take Care and Be Safe

    - Ben
     
  3. ThePhantomLady

    ThePhantomLady Safety and Support SF Supporter

    Hi, and welcome to the forum Kerry.

    I'm sorry to hear you're feeling this low.

    First of all, I think you need to call a crisis line asap. You need help, and you deserve it too. Please do not harm yourself.

    Secondly, would it help you to talk about what has happened for you to feel you need to do something so drastic?
     
  4. kerry

    kerry Member

    A year and a half ago I met this amazing man we fell in love we moved in together everything was great
    But inside my mental health was taking over and I was having a break down inside but we got through it but things were never the same again he became distant n I started to hate him for it cos no matter how much I tried to express my feelings it felt like it was falling on def ears. Finally I snapped this Saturday just gone n have only just come home to find my stuff in our spare room n he doesn't want to know me he won't let me try to fight for us I love him and he is everything I have ever wanted in my life as my life hasn't been great in fact it just got worse n worse.
    I want to fight for me n him but he doesn't seem to want to anymore but he is lithely everything to me without him I have nothing n my life is torn away from me.
     
  5. ThePhantomLady

    ThePhantomLady Safety and Support SF Supporter

    I am sorry about what happened; and I understand how difficult it is right now. But this doesn't have to be the end. Maybe things will get easier in time? For now you need to fight for you and stay alive. Maybe he needs some time to cool off?

    Please go and get yourself some help to get through this. You can survive it, and you can get a life after this. For now you need to survive.

    Can you call someone to help you?
     
  6. NYJmpMaster

    NYJmpMaster Have a question? Message Me Staff Member Forum Owner ADMIN

    A break up is a difficult thing, but you cannot control how another person feels. I will say that most often with men, they are the ones quick to "break it off:" but they are also the ones that regret it the most once they figure out what it is they gave up. Giving space and not fighting about this part- does not mean you are not fighting about saving the relationship. It means you are respecting his need for distance now and giving him some time to see what is missing from his life. Turning the break up into a huge emotional scene and and particularly if it involves threats of suicide and that type of thing makes it much harder to recover from. If it is indeed a relationship worth fighting for, it will resolve itself over time, if it doesn't, then you deserve somebody that does love you and wants to be with you. The fact there is not another person to fill that role right now just means you have been in a committed relationship for a while now, not that there is nobody else and never will be. It hurts more to hold onto somebody that does not want to be with you then to let them go and see if they come back so you know why they are with you. Let him know you will give space but will be there when he sorts out his feelings is the best way to fight for your relationship. Don't make an impulsive decision that is likely to end any possibility of getting back together again, or threaten it which will have the same end result please. If you need help getting through it then get the help from a professional, not try to get from somebody that does not understand what you are feeling and will feel guilty if you try to explain, the guilt will nto save the relationship, it will doom it in the long term. It will just remind him of the very difficult periods of getting through the depression in the past.
     
  7. kerry

    kerry Member

    I can't no as no one knows it has ended
    The only comfort I get is the fact he will still hug me and hasn't kicked me out n that he wants us to be best friends cos we are awesome together.
    But that's not Wat I want or need he made me promises and he has broke them. I feel like I'm the only one hurting
     
  8. ThePhantomLady

    ThePhantomLady Safety and Support SF Supporter

    Please just don't give up hun. It's great that he still wants to be in your life.
    You can get through this. A breakup is a very, very difficult thing, especially if you've had a tough past. But it is survivable. Who knows if in a few months you'll say it was for the best and you might find someone who is better for you?

    Please give life a chance, and hun, I will say this again; if you are in danger of harming yourself tonight please call a crisis line and get yourself the help you truly deserve. You deserve to be helped through this and get out of it safely without any harm done to you.
     
  9. NYJmpMaster

    NYJmpMaster Have a question? Message Me Staff Member Forum Owner ADMIN

    If he is asking for a change then you can be sure he was hurting before. That is why it is important to let have space and time to figure things out without pressure- before he asked for change he felt like he was only one hurting/sacrificing. The key to saving a relationship is making sure you are really looking aty it from both sides. If the relationship is worth saving, giving space and time to fix will not have a bad effect, but the relationship is over if either person is hurting and not happy in the situation so you need to find the way that makes BOTH of you happy. Letting hiom see what is missing by choosing "just friends" and deciding that he does not want to miss that has the best chance of saving it- just make sure that there are boundaries if he "wants space".
     
  10. kerry

    kerry Member

    All iv done is cry cos I know Wat he is like he said u can have all the hope u want we are over n that's that.
    I can't see him changing his mind and that kills me inside
     
  11. ThePhantomLady

    ThePhantomLady Safety and Support SF Supporter

    Hun, tonight everything is chaos for you; but tomorrow or in a week things might look brighter, don't cheat yourself out of the chance to experience that.

    YOU are important, and you can be happy. The pain you feel right now, I understand it feels unbearable but it is temporary; don't make a permanent decision over something temporary. If you are not willing to call for help or turn to a hospital; please go for a walk or something to get some fresh air in your lungs.
     
  12. kerry

    kerry Member

    Iv tried the whole help line thing n hospital thing iv had therapy etc none of it has helped this site is my last resort
     
  13. NYJmpMaster

    NYJmpMaster Have a question? Message Me Staff Member Forum Owner ADMIN

    Actually you said went through that and got through it and it was better, it was just him that was still distant after. So that stuff did work to help you. And if you want to fight for him then stay better and do not give him reason to believe that it was a mistake and that you can't be better.

    Stick around here, talk to us too, and let things take some time to get into perspective.
     
  14. kerry

    kerry Member

    It made me worse cos of all the medication I was on it was making me worse n having group therapy didn't help cos I had other ppls problems in my head which would screw me up more n doubt everything I had.
    I know I can be better but my body won't let me get out of this rut I'm in.
     
  15. NYJmpMaster

    NYJmpMaster Have a question? Message Me Staff Member Forum Owner ADMIN

    Then stop worrying about other peoples issues- including your boyfriends- and take care of yourself for a while. If he will be a friend and nothing more then fine, why isn't that okay for a while? Put all your energy into you getting better.

    How was the medication making it worse? Can you do individual therapy instead of group therapy? Group therapy is used often because it allows to learn from others as well , and sometimes the questioning is in fact part of the process- but there has to be an understanding of what is meant to be learnt or what can apply to your situation and what cannot.
     
  16. kerry

    kerry Member

    They have stopped my therapy as I couldn't attend them all the time. Therapy made me angry and I don't like getting angry and the medication I just didn't know who I was anymore I couldn't do most things because the pills
     
  17. Freya

    Freya Loves SF Staff Member ADMIN

    If you stopped therapy and medication it is not really surprising that things got so bad that you snapped and that you are now considering suicide. You need to go back to the doctor ASAP and get treated. If the medication you were on was not working for you, there are dozens and dozens of different meds and different combinations. Just stopping is never going to lead to anything good.

    I understand that you didn't like feeling angry but I am unsure how feeling so bad you want to die is an improvement on that. If you go to the hospital at least you are away from the situation you are currently in, which is not helpful to you at all - a limbo "half way" between a relationship or not would be incredibly upsetting and damaging for anyone.

    I understand that you feel like you were lied to and he didn't keep his promises, but unfortunately loving someone who is depressed is very hard, especially when that person stops taking meds and attending therapy so there is no possible improvement to be had. Asking someone to stay with you and love you while your mental health is deteriorating, and you have stopped all treatment/attempts to get better isn't reasonable. I am sorry if that sounds harsh, but it is true. It is very very painful and emotionally difficult to love someone suffering from a mental illness - he was doing that anyway but you stopped getting therapy and taking your meds and you got worse to the point that you snapped.

    I understand you feel awful right now - the end of a relationship is absolutely traumatic and horrible. But you can't improve the situation without proper effort to actually improve the situation. That means therapy (even if you don't like it - which to be honest therapy that actually makes a difference nobody likes because it is hard and upsetting) and medication. Killing yourself and traumatising him forever is not a sign of love.
     
  18. kerry

    kerry Member

    I just want him to understand how I'm really feeling iv tried to explain how I'm feeling and it just doesn't seem to go in. I just want him to feel as heart broken as me.
     
  19. Freya

    Freya Loves SF Staff Member ADMIN

    I am going to be honest - if you really want him to feel as bad as you feel right now, I really question how much you can love him. I would not wish feeling so bad they want to die on my worst enemy. Is that really what you want for him? Because if so, how can you blame him from needing to walk away? If someone said to you "my bf/gf wants me to feel so bad and hurt so much I want to die" you would call that an abusive relationship - anyone sane would.
     
  20. kerry

    kerry Member

    No I want him to feel the heart break not the neath I want him to see that I'm struggling n how I struggle every day
    I don't want him to die I want to cos iv hurt him emotionally inside n all I wanted was for someone to understand me and I couldn't see his way of helping me all I could see was someone in my life all the time.
     
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