Hi everyone,
Well, I dont' know where to start. My problems seem to be overwhelming at times. I Wake up and cry, yet when I try to sleep I cry, or I hold off on crying by cutting myself because I'm so sick of crying and most of all being lonely. Then on top of it I force myself to throw up when i feel I've over eaten. I've gotten to the point where I don't even like going in public, because it just makes me more depressed. I know what it's like to swallow a bottle of pills, and then another, because I seem to have the habit of miss placing my trust in girl's that don't deserve it, and I don't really like to say that because I still care about them to some degree and Most of them had been hurt previously before me. One girl was beaten by her mom when there financial problems with the family and woldn't be with me because she had problems, another had a boyfriend that told her she was ugly, and stupid, and he'd tell her to stay in her room, not to brush her teeth, and she delt with that for eight months, but yet wouldn't go out with me when she considered me her bestfriend, and kepy making plans for me to stay in her life, she even tried to get me to be her friend with benifits, but wouldn't go out with me. I eventually got so hurt and wanted her to konw so bad that i'd never hurt her mental or physical like her ex, that I ended up asking her to cut me with a knife just to let her know that i'd never treat her that way, she ended up breaking down and having a panic attack and repeatably told me over and over again that she didn't deserve me for about three minutes, when I finely got her to stop I told her that I'd already decide that she deserved me, and it was her that needed to decide weather I deservered her or not. even after that incident we still texted eachother frist thing in the moring till the last thing we went to bed. She bought me stuff but I wasn't allowed to buy her anything, she eventaully asked me to buy a season pass with her for the water park nearby, which I did, but never ended up using with her because, I ended up pulling myself away from her because she wounldnt go out with me, and I would never purse another girl as long as she was in my life and if she were to go out with someone other then me would of killed me even more then where I was, and then she turns around and says that I made her cry even though for the past month I was sobbing and begging her to go out with me pretty much every time I saw her. Then the girl I meet after her just played me, which I'm easy for that beings I wear my heart on my sleve and I don't know how to be any other way. And the only girl thats called me her boyfriend was molested by her step brother, two years before she meet me. She was 18 and I was 25. Things ended up breaking up with her because she never wanted to spend any time with me and would completely ignore me when I was in the room with her and are friends, that and she was more worried about how other people felt over me. Which I really feel sorry for girls. 1 in 4 will be molested by the time they reach 18. and yet if there not molested then there's a 50/50 chance that they'll end being sexaul assaulted or raped in there lifetime, and yet somehow that makes it so much easier for me to hurt myself. girls get with guys that treat them badly and stay with them, and here I am wish nothing more then anything but to emotionly care for one and protect her with my life yet end up with a burden in my heart for all my good intentions.
Well, I dont' know where to start. My problems seem to be overwhelming at times. I Wake up and cry, yet when I try to sleep I cry, or I hold off on crying by cutting myself because I'm so sick of crying and most of all being lonely. Then on top of it I force myself to throw up when i feel I've over eaten. I've gotten to the point where I don't even like going in public, because it just makes me more depressed. I know what it's like to swallow a bottle of pills, and then another, because I seem to have the habit of miss placing my trust in girl's that don't deserve it, and I don't really like to say that because I still care about them to some degree and Most of them had been hurt previously before me. One girl was beaten by her mom when there financial problems with the family and woldn't be with me because she had problems, another had a boyfriend that told her she was ugly, and stupid, and he'd tell her to stay in her room, not to brush her teeth, and she delt with that for eight months, but yet wouldn't go out with me when she considered me her bestfriend, and kepy making plans for me to stay in her life, she even tried to get me to be her friend with benifits, but wouldn't go out with me. I eventually got so hurt and wanted her to konw so bad that i'd never hurt her mental or physical like her ex, that I ended up asking her to cut me with a knife just to let her know that i'd never treat her that way, she ended up breaking down and having a panic attack and repeatably told me over and over again that she didn't deserve me for about three minutes, when I finely got her to stop I told her that I'd already decide that she deserved me, and it was her that needed to decide weather I deservered her or not. even after that incident we still texted eachother frist thing in the moring till the last thing we went to bed. She bought me stuff but I wasn't allowed to buy her anything, she eventaully asked me to buy a season pass with her for the water park nearby, which I did, but never ended up using with her because, I ended up pulling myself away from her because she wounldnt go out with me, and I would never purse another girl as long as she was in my life and if she were to go out with someone other then me would of killed me even more then where I was, and then she turns around and says that I made her cry even though for the past month I was sobbing and begging her to go out with me pretty much every time I saw her. Then the girl I meet after her just played me, which I'm easy for that beings I wear my heart on my sleve and I don't know how to be any other way. And the only girl thats called me her boyfriend was molested by her step brother, two years before she meet me. She was 18 and I was 25. Things ended up breaking up with her because she never wanted to spend any time with me and would completely ignore me when I was in the room with her and are friends, that and she was more worried about how other people felt over me. Which I really feel sorry for girls. 1 in 4 will be molested by the time they reach 18. and yet if there not molested then there's a 50/50 chance that they'll end being sexaul assaulted or raped in there lifetime, and yet somehow that makes it so much easier for me to hurt myself. girls get with guys that treat them badly and stay with them, and here I am wish nothing more then anything but to emotionly care for one and protect her with my life yet end up with a burden in my heart for all my good intentions.
:hug: