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  1. i just joined this website, so i'm not really sure about how all of this works sooo yeah. well i'm jessica, i'm fifteen and i've been depressed for about a year. i hid my depression from everybody until about three months ago, i told two of my best friends. one reason i have kept this hidden is because i know a lot of people would say i have nothing to be depressed about. well, to some people it may seem that way, because i really am very lucky. i have a lot of friends and a great family (for the most part). i think about suicide everday, all the time. i've attemped od'ing about two or three times. i'm almost positive i suffer from manic depression. i know i need help, but i am very embarressed of my depression and being suicidal. about a week ago i told my mom, who i am not close with at all, that i'm depressed and want to kill myself, and she told my dad who started crying, because i have it all, and there is no reason for me to want to die (or so they thing) and then i just felt so guilty that i denied it all and said i was just upset at the time and i would never do that. i really don't know what to do. i want to get help, i need to get help, but when i told my mom she kept asking why i'm so ungrateful and asking why i can't just be normal. i'm the last person anybody would expect to be suicidal. i can't deal with this anymore and it's all just adding up. please, i just need someone i can actually talk to who will understand, because nobody seems to.:unsure:
  2. Hey, welcome to the site.

    I'm much the same in the sense I have many friends and most of my family are wonderful (excluding my Dad and Auntie Jane), I know where you're coming from. I still haven't copped up that kind of bravery to tell my mum, just some of my friends. Bravo to you!
    I hope you find what it is you're looking for here =]

    Take care
  3. reSol

    reSol Member


    People who say 'you have nothing to be depressed about' are ignorant to both depression and it's causes. Depression can be caused by a whole multitude of things. Each as valid a reason as the next. I'll admit that I knew nothing about depression before I fell into it's dark insidious grip, and I probably wouldn't have taken it too seriously as a real illness, just get over it would have been my attitude. I still have days when I tell myself that there's no such thing as depression and it's all just an excuse for being a stupid, lazy, no hoper loser. And sadly that's probably the ignorance that a lot of non-depressed people have. Only depressed people can truly understand what it's like to be depressed.

    Anyways, back to the causes of depression. Your depression could be caused by a chemical imbalance in the brain, or I know that there's some physical ailments out there that have depression like symptoms, such as thyroid problems. Whatever the cause may be, you should see a doctor right away. They can prescribe you some medication that can help with the depression and refer you on to someone who can help you through psychotherapy. With the medication you might come across some that might not work, some that might make you emotionally numb(not feeling is definitely not preferable to feeling, trust me), and some that might make you worse. The trick is to not get disheartened if one doesn't work for you and give up on them...just go back to the doctor and try a new one until you find the one that is right for you. My first ones didn't work, I gave up, seven months later I ended up in the nut hut(I'll die before I ever go back there). The second ones I was on made me numb, after a couple of months I stopped taking them, went on with life for about a year, by going back to school to complete year 12. I ended up becoming really paranoid that people were talking about me behind my back and couldn't stand to be around people any longer so I dropped out just before the finish. Then I went on my third ones which made me worse, those were short lived like only 2 weeks. And then I went on the ones I'm on today and these ones seem to be the right ones for me, they keep my mood at a healthy level(still depressed but less so, even though depression seems to be tightening it's grip on me again). Moral of that story is to not give up and keep trying different meds until you find the one for you or have exhausted all possibilities.

    So get to a doctor asap, else it will just get worse. Another thing, you shouldn't be embarrassed about your depression or suicidal thoughts. There's no invalid reasons for being depressed and suicidal. If there was absolutely no reason for you being depressed, then you simply wouldn't be depressed, but you are so that's a sign that something isn't don't be too embarrassed to get help. I know it's hard though. I'm horribly ashamed of my depression, I don't know why, but when I stay at my best friend's house, I sneak away to take my meds because I'm too ashamed and embarrassed to let him know I take them, even though I think he knows. And I absolutely never talk to him about my depression or anyone for that matter.

    Feel free to pm me if you want to talk, because I can totally understand what you are going through.

    Oops, sorry for the length, this was meant to be just a quick reply.

    Stay safe.
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