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Discussion in 'Welcome' started by Paul 1, May 29, 2007.

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  1. Paul 1

    Paul 1 New Member

    I'm not sure how to start this, and i'm not sure what i want from it, if anything at all. I used to think about killing myself when i was a teenager, but never did anything. I'm in my late 30's now and it has come back. I've recently made two attempts in one day. I tried to cut my wrists, but found it too hard. Its really hard to do that to yourself, i couldn't cut deep enough. So then i decided to take some pills. I work somewhere where it was easy to access lots of tablets, but i didn't know which ones to take.
    I took about <mod edit-gentlelady-methods>, but after about an hour they just made me violently ill, for about two days. Nodody noticed any of this as a suicide attempt. My partner never noticed the scar on my wrist, and thought the sickness was food poisoning. I have decided on a pretty foolproof method if there is to be another time. Its really hard to go about your daily life when everyone thinks your just the same happy-go-lucky person they think they know, while in reality it is a struggle to get out of bed in the morning.
    I am supposed to be getting married later in the year. I should be overjoyed about this.
    But i have fallen totally in love with someone else.
    I did tell this other girl how i felt, but she was really angry, as she thought we were just really good friends, and now feels she cannot trust me. We still talk, and i see her every few weeks, but i think of her every day, non-stop. The thoughts that fill my head are all about what a life with this girl would be like,- first date, first kiss, walking along holding hands for the first time, all of those things from the beginning of a relationship that are just magic. But i know i will never experience these things with her, and it really hurts. Every day i pretend to everybody, including myself, that i am ok. But i am totally miserable, and i cannot talk to any of my friends about this. What should i do?
    Last edited by a moderator: Jun 1, 2007
  2. Syd

    Syd Guest

    If you get married, that's only going to hurt your wife much more later on than it would to cancel the marriage now and admit that you're not feeling right about this.

    Think about how you feel when you're with the first woman.. do you love her? If you have doubts about it, seems that ending the relationship is the best choice now. You might be able to regain the second lady's trust, it could take awhile. You know better than any of us if you have a chance there.

    There's no guarantee it will work out, but the alternative (based on what you've said) is being in a weak marriage and never knowing how things could've been otherwise. At least this happened now, before you got married. There are a lot of possibilities for you, don't give up on your life. You're lucky to have found love, and being with her is a chance that's worth taking.
  3. gentlelady

    gentlelady Staff Alumni

    I think you must be very careful marrying someone when you say you have feelings for someone else. This does not make for a healthy marriage and may only cause hard feelings in the future. Please weigh your ptions carefully and choose what will be the best for both of you. Think about 10 years down the line. Or what if your wife admitted to you she loves someone else? It is not an easy thing to overcome. I hope you are able to get help in dealing with some of your issues. I would hate to hear that anything bad happened to you. Please take care and stay safe. :hug:
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