Hi everyone. I'm brand new--only been lurking for like a day. I'm 33 and I've suffered from dysthymia/chronic depression for two-thirds of my life. I've only sought treatment for the last seven years or so, intensive treatment (more than 50mg of Zoloft a day) for the last year. Anyway, I've had more than my share of suicidal thoughts and urges over the years, so I can relate to each and every one of you. I'm going through an especially rough patch right now--I don't think I've ever gone through this extensive of a period where I've wanted to kill myself. I have a few people to lean on, but no one I'm close with has ever really understood what I'm going through, and my therapist isn't available 24/7. I'm so glad that I found SF and could read posts from people saying EXACTLY the same thing that I've written to myself over the years. Thanks for reading. I'm excited to get to know some of you better and learn from your experiences. I hope I'll be able to support you too.