Discussion in 'Welcome' started by jiia, Nov 15, 2007.

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  1. jiia

    jiia New Member

    Hi. My name is Jiia. I've never really done this whole forum/chat thing before, so I really have no idea what I'm doing. Please be tolerant of my total lack of internet social skills.
    Anyways... I'm here because I've tried to kill myself six times in the last four years. Now that I'm about to turn 18 and go off for university, it's feeling more and more like I'm not going to make it through the year. I don't really want to kill myself or anything, I just don't really feel like there's anything stopping me. Which I know is ridiculous and all sorts of stupid, but... It's like I'm stuck on some sort of demonic train straight to hell and I can't get off. What makes me really nervous about this year in particular is that, every six years of my life thus far, something really shitty has happened to me. And now my Grandma's gone insane, and my mom (life-long smoker) is feeling shitty all the time and coughing ridiculous amounts, and the dog which as been with me my entire life just had a stroke and is probably going to die before winter's over... I just.... I want to talk to someone I guess. It's not like I'm really alone or anything. I've got lots of really great friends, and my mom, but they've all got their own issues and problems to worry about. I don't want to bother them with something that's been going on for almost a decade.
    I don't know what I want to do. I'm just so tired of waking up every morning and pretending to be happy. I'm tired of being afraid all the time. I don't know what to do, and I don't want to die. I'm just not sure that I really want to live.
    Anyways... I'm going to stop making an idiot out of myself now. Sorry if I totally just ranted in the completely wrong topic or whatever.
  2. gentlelady

    gentlelady Staff Alumni

    :welcome: to the forum.. Your post was perfectly fine so you don't have to worry about that. I am glad you decided to join us. Because you will be leaving home for university does not mean the writing has to be on the wall. You can turn to us for support as you need it. Take care. :hug:
  3. jiia

    jiia New Member

    Thanks. I was kinda worried that I'd totally screwed up the entire 'this is where you say hello' thing with my random babbling. Such things seem to be a theme in my life these days. :sweat: Anyways, thanks for responding so quickly. I'm feeling a better than I was before, so... Thanks.
  4. itmahanh

    itmahanh Senior Member & Antiquities Friend

    Hey, welcome to SF. It's great that you have come to find someone to talk about your problems with. Everyone here is here for their own reasons but we all want some help in one way or another. Chat anytime you need to.
  5. Hazibell

    Hazibell Well-Known Member

    Hi Welcome to SF! Im sorry you have been through so much, i am here if you ever want to talk. Its fine, there are bits for ranting in the forum and if you need help in finding bits here then feel free to PM me :)
  6. Puddytat

    Puddytat Well-Known Member

  7. lost_soul

    lost_soul Staff Alumni

    :welcome: to sf
    feel free to rant anywhere you wish to on the forum
    i know i do :laugh: seriously tho this is a great place to get support
    feel free to pm me or find me on msn or AoL
    take care and stay safe
  8. Marshmallow

    Marshmallow Staff Alumni

    Hey there Jiia, welcome to SF.

    Hope to see you around sometime :smile:
  9. *dilligaf*

    *dilligaf* Staff Alumni

    :welcome: to SF Jila. :hug:
  10. Melancholy

    Melancholy Well-Known Member

    Welcome to SF :smile:

    If you ever want to rant/talk then gimme a shout, I'm in my last year of school as well

  11. -GirlxNextxDoor-

    -GirlxNextxDoor- Well-Known Member

    i may be younger but need to talk i am here :)
  12. liveinhope

    liveinhope Well-Known Member

    Hi and :welcome: to SF , im glad you decided to join us. I look forward to seeing you around the forum and am happy to chat anytime hun :hug::hug::hug:
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