Hi

Discussion in 'Self Harm & Substance Abuse' started by i dont know, Mar 19, 2008.

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  1. i dont know

    i dont know New Member

    Im 19 and female.

    I dont know if you or anyone can help me.

    Basically i feel empty.

    I have my boyfriend to love and i do love him more than anything, but i cant stop feeling the way i do. i dont know why i feel like this. i used to have reasons to feeling down and like my life had no meaning. since being 15 it got worse til like august this year when me n my boyfriend became closer n i had someone to love really and i trust him with my life. but every so often this comes back it comes creepin back and i dont know why. i dont even know how i feel i just have an ache. i get paranoid.. i think hes falling outta love with me n i convince my self its true.

    sometimes i want to cry but i cant. yet thats all i did last night i just sat n cried in the corner of my bed holdin my pillow. i used to have my friend to talk to what ever time it was but then she decided she had fallen for me n she messed me up even more.

    Like the past two days i have been in a world of my own i dont know whats got into me. i used to cut my self but i dont anymore. i fall back everyso often. like last week i was desperate to so i ran a blunt pen knife over my arms so it wouldnt cut but it just left a red mark n if i loose it totally i scratch my self then i stop n it burns. i feel like i have let my self and everyone down especially my boyfriend because hes been there for me so much but i cant stop it. and i dont know what to do. its like these last 2 days have been a blurr and i dont know what im doing. i wanna wake up but i cant.

    i feel like my lifes crashin down all arnd me n i cant pick up the pieces n i have no one to do it for me.

    i dont know what im even supposed to write on here.

    n i dont know how any of you could possibly help if the person i amm closes to n trust n love the most cant help me.

    i used to be on medication but im off it now n i dont wanna go back there.

    i just wanna be normal n i wanna have that warm amazing inlove feeling that i have when i forget all the time.

    i need to pull my self through for him.

    without him im nothing n im scared hes gonna run from me n i wontbe able to pull him back


    i need to sort my self out
     
  2. carol2237

    carol2237 Guest

    I dont know,

    You have come to the right place to help sort all of this out. There are pleanty of people on this site that understand what you are going through, no matter what it might be. I hope that you stick around for a while and that you can find the support you need to help you through this. *huggles*

    Caroline
     
  3. jane doe

    jane doe Well-Known Member

    well i´m 19 and female too^^
    self harm is a way with no return, even if you stopped 10 years ago, you´ll still feel this things, i guess that´s what make us what we are. Does your boyfriend know about it? if he does what does he say? if he doeasn´t whatdo you think he would say?
    the only way to fight against self harm is to fight everyday. You need to find something to complete your day, as i did, i started playing online games, and i play more when i´m sad or down or when i feel empty, the thing is sometimes you must grab your pillow and cry, and no one will take that because crying is good^^
     
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