hi

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by blueyez, May 2, 2008.

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  1. blueyez

    blueyez New Member

    Hi, I just joined this group. I wanted to ask other suicidal people what they do about it if that's alright? I simply can't control it anymore or myself.. I've never felt like this and for a consistent 6 months of it being in my immediate thoughts. I don't have medical insurance and I don't know what to do.. I don't wanna feel like this anymore and it seems I've done everything to have the freedom to do such. Idk... thanks either way
     
  2. middleofnowhere

    middleofnowhere Well-Known Member

    I wonder if you've talked with yourself about why you want to die, or why you don't want to live. Or have you thought of good reasons to keep living? I've found that putting even a little focus on those reasons helps me manage the suicidal cumpulsions. It's called self-talk, and has kept me from attempting for two years now. Not that I've not wanted to die - I have. But, I've worked to keep my feelings under some sort of control, to make it through one more day alive.
     
  3. blueyez

    blueyez New Member

    you're prolly right. I got nothing it feels like. I fail at everything I go to do. I blame myself for my fathers suicide a few yrs back & now the love of my life hung himself over me too... I gave away my kid about a week later just for the freedom to self destruct but she wanted to go. My family (other than my mom) stopped talking to me cuz I let her go. So either its chasing my fiance or it's I fail at everything I go to do. I'm not even employed. My friends are gone cuz what do you say to someone like me? half his family are still in everything I do like you killed him. it was a stupid fight, or I thought.. at the absolute worst time evidently. it's not wanting to feel like this anymore.. if something bad happens, it ruins me & I snap. everything makes me wanna just die & do whatever it takes to do it... not even to chase him anymore, but to not exist. idk. I think I need a prozac but I don't have medical insurance.
     
  4. middleofnowhere

    middleofnowhere Well-Known Member

    Blue.
    I don't think blame can be laid on anyone for another's suicide. Suicide is an internal issue. There are external triggers, but ultimately it's an internal choice. I hope you can a bit at a time let go of the blame you carry and that others dump on you. Their death isn't your fault. If you should kill yourself, it would be your own decision. No one can make you do it. Circumstances may seem so out of control that there's no choice but to die, but you're the only one who can decide the path of your destiny.

    It's hard to deal with meanness in other people, especially when you're sensitive and vulnerable. Right now, you're the most important person in your life, and you need to focus your attention on yourself if you're to move forward. Forward direction will be excrutiatingly slow and difficult, but there will come a time when you look back and can see what progress you've made.

    You with God's help can make it past this mountain.
     
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