Discussion in 'Welcome' started by eddyslowmo, Jun 29, 2008.

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  1. eddyslowmo

    eddyslowmo New Member

    i'm not really sure why i'm posting here... I think i'm just looking for that temporary feel good fix of getting something off my chest... many things I will say here, i've never told anyone before.

    i'm in my late 20's, incredibly lonely... and becoming increasingly depressed about where my life is going.

    i think ive had an inferiority complex my whole life... that has progressively gotten worse in the last 10 years... i've never had a relationship that lasted more than a few weeks, and rightfully so... i've never been able to persistently pursue (girls) what i want in life, so after being repeatedly rejected, i gave up trying at all many years ago. im good looking(or so i've been told), but have very little self-esteem and absolutely no confidence - and no "game" especially when meeting new women.

    i've had suicidal thoughts since i was about 13... but i never had the "courage" to end it until recently... i'm really starting to think I may be capable

    currently, there is a girl in my life who i have "known" for several years. she is a friend of the family, and several years younger than me. she is, without a doubt, the most beautiful person i've ever met... and i'm not talking about her physical features.

    we have very little in common, but we have similar goals in life.... i think

    we only see eachother when someone else arranges it... and the half-assed attempts i've made at asking her out... well, lets just say she has blown me off.

    this girl can walk into any room and light it up... guys flock to her, and like any other female, she needs to feel wanted.... but i'm not romeo, and im absolutely retarded when it comes to this ritual. almost every other girl i've ever been with had to practically throw themself at me.

    the jist of it is this... i know she likes me, or she wouldn't have given me as much attention as she has so far. we kissed once, in an awkward moment, where i meant to give her little more than a peck, but somehow i lost my mind and went full on w/ the tongue. i thought it was really sloppy and nasty, but she later told me it wasn't that bad... im pretty sure she was just being nice.

    im tearing myself up inside over this girl because i dont know how to connect with her... and i feel like she is slipping away and there is nothing i can do... she likes "me"... but i'm certain that she doesn't know me.

    ive never had a problem forming a deeper emotional connection with a girl after we get a little more of a physical connection... but she isn't letting that happen because I don't push her buttons, and the more we hang out, the more I think i'm boring her... and losing any chance i might have had

    im not down on myself about her in particular... it's my whole life leading up to this... like im at some crossroads, and im failing at something that is so simple to most people... yet it feels impossible to me sometimes.

    there are very few things i really want in life... i want to be a father and a good husband... but the way i feel now... i dont want to burden anyone else with me.

    im also starting to have second thoughts about passing my genes on... i know my dad suffers from some form of depression... yet we've never talked about it, and never will........ i don't want to give someone else what i think he gave me.

    i also dont want professional counseling or drugs... and sometimes i really wonder if i even want to get "better".

    most of my depression began in early college years... lonlieness... and always thinking how much worse could i feel?

    i think i feel much worse, and hopeless now, more than ever.

    im up and down alot... but mostly down.

    i cry at least a few times a week... sometimes a few times a day, and i really try to let it out... i feel a little better afterwards

    i try to be positive... but there have been a few days recently where i've woken up and my first thought is wishing i hadn't woken up... or how i could end it... and that really scares me

    ty for reading if you got this far
  2. Anime-Zodiac

    Anime-Zodiac Well-Known Member

    Sounds like you've been pretty unfortunate.
    It's good that your sharing your thoughts, hopefully the more you do that then things may start to progress for you in some form.

    Anyways welcome to the forums. Hope you find what your looking for.

    Enjoy your time on here.
  3. butterflies32

    butterflies32 Well-Known Member


    Welcome to the forum. I hope we can support you as and when you need it.

  4. liveinhope

    liveinhope Well-Known Member

    Hi hun

    welcome to SF im sure you will find the site helpful, i look forward to seeing you around the forum and chatting more

    take care
  5. gentlelady

    gentlelady Staff Alumni

    :welcome: to the forum. I hope you are feeling better after getting that all out in the open. :hug:
  6. Insignificant

    Insignificant Account Closed

    :welcome: to the forum. thanks for sharing. us women are just simply impossible sometimes. maybe doing something for her like giving her a card, or giving her a flower. these are just ideas. you can probably be more creative than myself when it comes to this. i'm glad you shared. please continue to most certainly if you felt it helped. (i'm hoping it did) please take care
  7. nagisa

    nagisa Staff Alumni

    :welcome: :hug:
  8. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    welcome to the forum :arms:
  9. *dilligaf*

    *dilligaf* Staff Alumni

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