I joined a few months back during a crisis, I'm almost grateful that I was unable to post that night. What would have followed would have been drunken ramblings about various methods I was contemplating. I was diagnosed Manic (I'm told that pdoc's just call it BP now) when I was 13, had suicidal thoughts before that. What's strange to me, is I have no events or issues at the core of my problems; no history of abuse, no traumatic childhood experiences. Yet without fail, every day I wake up there will be some event(s), trigger(s), etc. that will send me spiraling back into suicidal thoughts, planning, and yes, sometimes, attempts. Over that last year and half things have gotten worse. What used to be a minor episode can now seem like an insurmountable crisis. I assume that this is in great part due to many aspects of my life falling apart in the past 2+ years, due to my negligence/lack of care/self-hate/current economic woes. Most of the time I just wish I could get past the giving-up...and just allow this failure that has become my life to take its course. I could go on and on, but I'm having the hardest time to even put these words on the screen. I hope my involvement here will be give-and-take... Oh, right, Hi.