I can't believe i'm actally posting here. I've been so alone. I can't get suicide out of my head. I just WANT OUT of here!!! I'm too chicken to do it, though. Although I've been saving up <mod edit>for a few months, so I probably have enough. Has anyone lived through that before? what's it like? will <mod edit-gentlelady-methods>? Is surviving that bad? Do you ruin your liver or anything? I've tried everything - drs., meds., jesus, and have been deeply clinically depressed for almost two years. My husband thinks I'm just feeling sorry for myself and makes fun of me. No one else but the counselor even knows I'm struggling. He yelled and yelled at me today how much he hates being around me and that i'm so boring. He's the only friend I have in the world right now. I've really isolated myself. That kind of rejection just leads me to the pills. I just don't want to ruin my daughter's lives, but I don't know how much longer I can hold on. Cutting helps relieve some of the anger and hatred I have toward myself. I wish I'd just die in a car wreck or something. I'd love to donate all of my organs to someone who wants to live. Well, that's my pathetic sob drivel.