Discussion in 'Welcome' started by amberly18, Dec 25, 2008.

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  1. amberly18

    amberly18 Member

    I can't believe i'm actally posting here. I've been so alone. I can't get suicide out of my head. I just WANT OUT of here!!! I'm too chicken to do it, though. Although I've been saving up <mod edit>for a few months, so I probably have enough. Has anyone lived through that before? what's it like? will <mod edit-gentlelady-methods>? Is surviving that bad? Do you ruin your liver or anything?

    I've tried everything - drs., meds., jesus, and have been deeply clinically depressed for almost two years. My husband thinks I'm just feeling sorry for myself and makes fun of me. No one else but the counselor even knows I'm struggling. He yelled and yelled at me today how much he hates being around me and that i'm so boring. He's the only friend I have in the world right now. I've really isolated myself. That kind of rejection just leads me to the pills. I just don't want to ruin my daughter's lives, but I don't know how much longer I can hold on. Cutting helps relieve some of the anger and hatred I have toward myself.

    I wish I'd just die in a car wreck or something. I'd love to donate all of my organs to someone who wants to live.

    Well, that's my pathetic sob drivel.
    Last edited by a moderator: Dec 25, 2008
  2. Rockster

    Rockster Guest

    Hey there, first off welcome to SF and Merry Christmas. I hope the people here are able to help you out so you don't end up hurting your daughter. If you ever want a chat, add my MSN, Skype or just send me a private message (http://www.suiciderforums.com/private.php) and i will gladly keep you company and listen
  3. amberly18

    amberly18 Member

    I would never dream of hurting them physically. I just know if I killed myself it would really mess them up. I do everything around here. They are such sweet girls. I just don't know. I'm sure they'd be fine eventually. I hate to cause them pain, but I don't want to be here anymore. I hate it here and want out.

    Thanks for listening to my drivel. I didn't expect anyone would reply.
  4. Rockster

    Rockster Guest

    I apologise if it came across that i thought you would physically hurt them i didn't mean it like that i meant hurt them by you dieing, but have a look around, you so you know you are not allowed to discuss methods on here or on the chat, but if you post it will more then likely be replied to quickly (unless it is a slow day lol) :hug:
  5. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    Hi Amberly. Discussion of methods is not allowed.

    Welcome to sf :)
    Last edited by a moderator: Dec 25, 2008
  6. amberly18

    amberly18 Member

    I'm sorry. I've never done this before and am screwing it up with my first post... that's par for the course for me.

  7. Rockster

    Rockster Guest

    No worries hun, you haven't screwed anything up. There are people that have been here for ages that do it. We were just letting you know hun because people try to say how much of med X to take etc and we have threads on cutting so i dont believe that will get you in trouble. You are alive for your daughter, because (if you believe in him) Santa, err i mean God doesn't think it is your time yet to go
  8. snowraven

    snowraven Well-Known Member

    Welcome to the forum. Hope you find the help and support you need here. My daughter is the only thing that keeps me here as I know if I did anything she would be devastated. No matter how bad we may feel our kids need us. Feel free to pm me if you need to chat.
  9. TBear

    TBear Antiquities Friend

    You know, the kind of love you are expressing for your girls is exactly what will help keep them away from feeling the awful way you do. In fact, that is what you deserve to have from someone else! Hope you can see from the great kids you have, that you are part of who they are becoming and see why you are still here. :hug:
  10. gentlelady

    gentlelady Staff Alumni

    Sorry you are feeling so badly amberly. Hold on to the love you have for your girls and let that carry you through. I wish your husband could be understanding and more supportive of you. If you had his support I believe it would help a great deal. Your girls would be effected for a lifetime if you took your life. It is not something you ever get over. Try not to give up. The girls are worth hanging on for. :hug:
  11. LenaLunacy

    LenaLunacy Well-Known Member

    Welcome to SF.
  12. Rosenrot

    Rosenrot Forum Buddy

    Welcome to SF.

    I hope you can find the support you need.
  13. crookxshanks

    crookxshanks Well-Known Member

    welcome x
  14. amberly18

    amberly18 Member

    You're all just wonderful. I wish I'd found this a couple years ago. It's nice to know someone else who understands and struggles with this...and knows I'm not just "moping," it's hard to have the will to even live! Thanks for your replies. I really appreciate your support!
  15. wheresmysheep

    wheresmysheep Staff Alumni

    you didnt screw up, we all cant understand the ways of everything straight away, :hug: you are more than welcomed here hun, and i hope you can find some sort of an extra hand with your problems huni :hug:
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