Discussion in 'Welcome' started by ♥XxLeighxXxBrokenxX♥, Jan 17, 2009.

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  1. Well, not sure where to start or anything, but here goes.

    I'm a 14 year old girl, who lives in Arizona, USA. My name is Leigh (pronounced like Lee), and I'm completely fucked up. I'm a cutter (and sometimes I do other forms of SI when I can't cut), I have BOTH anorexia and bulimia, I'm fuckin stoner up the ass (I'll do or take -literally- ANYTHING to get high), I drink more and party harder than most of the adults I've ever known (and they've actually told me that), I've had sex, I get made fun of at my school, and everyone hates me and makes fun of me and talks shit on me, I've been in an institution, I've been trying to kill myself since I was 9, I'm needy and clingy, and I'm also (in general terms) stupid, fat, and ugly. And those are only a small few amount of all the shit that's wrong with me.

    I grew up in a broken home with abusive and neglectful parents. My mother beat me up and verbally abused me, my father verbally abused me (and got a little physical too at times), and my parents on a daily basis wrecked the house, beat each other, and sometimes even tried to kill each other. There were so many times I would go without food, or run away from home for a few days (because I came home to see the house wrecked and them beating the fuck out of each other) and they wouldn't even notice that I was gone. I've been taking care of myself for the most part since I was 9 years old, and I started wanting to die and kill myself around then. Since then, things have gotten a lot worse. I've moved around my whole life. As far as I know, I've lived in 7 different places so far, and gone to 8 different schools.

    I wanna say so much specific stuff, but it would take years just to start to really document everything. Well some of the stuff my mom said to me while beating on me is -probably- the root or somewhat of the root of all my problems. Apparently, I'm a mistake, she never wanted me, I'm worthless, I was never supposed to be born, my father MADE her have me, she wanted to abort me, and she would do anything to get rid of me. That is until, she's high off her ass on pain pills (she's a prescription drug addict) and she needs me to do something for her. She made me help her with medicine at 8 years old that could've killed me in an instant. At 9, I was home after school taking care of her, and she never once took care of me. And my dad never did well with that either. Still isn't. I live with my dad and my brother right now, and we live in my grandparents house. We're so tight on money that.. idk.

    There's SO much more I could say, but I don't even think anyone has made it this far. Besides, it would take far too long anyways and I wouldn't know where to start and where to end.

    So for anyone who's made it this far, thanks a ton! Makes me feel special :tongue:

    I'm sure this will be a great place to come to when I really need the help (and I ALWAYS need the help! Lol)
  2. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    Hi Leigh(I love your name),

    Welcome to the forums. It's nice to meet you :shake:

    I'm sorry you have been hurt so much. I hope you find the help and support you need here :hug:

    You can PM me anytime,

    Lynn x
  3. Geffi

    Geffi Member

    Welcome :hug:

    If you ever need too talk, we're all here for you :)

  4. alle_vite

    alle_vite Well-Known Member

    hi Leigh welcome to SF, im really sorry to ehar all the stuff you have been through and i can totaly see why you are hurting so much, there are alot of amazing people on this forum which you will meet in time. If you ever need a chat just pm me or add me on msn my addy in on my profile or if your stuck with anything on the forums just pm me!!

  5. Anime-Zodiac

    Anime-Zodiac Well-Known Member

    Welcome to SF.
  6. Fern17

    Fern17 Well-Known Member

    Hi Leigh,

    I (as well as others) absolutely read all the way through. Your story is so heartbreaking. I can completely understand why you feel the way you do. My first reaction was that you were nothing but an innocent and defenseless child used as a human shield of sorts by incredibly sick parents. They are not fit to parent a child. You DESERVE to be loved and protected...and you never got that.

    My heart goes out to you, Leigh. Please post again. Keep in touch and share how you're feeling. Hopefully it can take that jagged edge off, to connect with people who really understand.

  7. gentlelady

    gentlelady Staff Alumni

    :welcome: to SF Leigh. I am sorry life has been so difficult for you up to this point. You show that you are a survivor and should be proud of yourself for that. You have the power within you to make changes for a better life. It will be difficult but not impossible. What things do you think you could change?
  8. snowraven

    snowraven Well-Known Member

    Hi Leigh and welcome to the forum. From reading your post it's clear you have had a rough ride so far in life but as Gentle Lady has pointed out it has made you strong in some ways. Guess it might be hard to see that at the moment if you are feeling so down. Hope you find as much help and support from everyone here at sf as I have. I know I wouldn't still be here if I hadn't found this place. Best wishes.:smile:
  9. Wow thanks everyone! I feel so special :tongue: To get SO many posotive replies from everyone... wow. Just seeing all the cool smileys made me happy! Idk what to see really, except thanks :)
  10. Epical Taylz

    Epical Taylz Well-Known Member

    Welcome Leigh!
    Amazing name by the way, very origional.
    I hope you find that everyone here is very
    nice and we're alll willing to help you at anytime.

    I'm fourteen also (turning fifteen), and id love
    to help you if you need it.

    I'm glad you found us :hug:

    Feel free to message me at anytime
  11. Dave_N

    Dave_N Guest

    Hi Leigh and welcome to SF. I'm sorry that you had such an awful experience growing up. I hope that things can get better for you eventually. :hug:
  12. Rosenrot

    Rosenrot Forum Buddy


    That's alot to handle. Sorry things aren't going well for you. I could preach forever why drugs are especially bad at your age and don't cure depression at all, but eh, you probably didn't come here to listen to that.

    Take care of yourself.
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