Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by crazychris, Jan 23, 2009.

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  1. crazychris

    crazychris Member

    Hi I'm Chris aged 49. Have suffered from depression for most of my adult life, since aged 18 so have hardly worked because of it. Have suffered from obsessions in the past too but haven't had a major one for 5 years. Silly ones and afterwards I realise I was thinking wrongly but didn't seem so at the time. Been taking Citalopram for 5 years which seemed to lift me. Married to a Filipino lady since 1992 and since discovered she only married me to stay in the UK and doesn't nor ever has, loved me. She treats me like a slave as does my 13 year-old daughter. Every day I wish I'd get cancer as I don't want to live a day longer but can't pluck up the courage to end it. My wife wants me to as she hates me. She truly does. Tells he to F off every day and goes straight upstairs when she comes in and has eaten every evening. She went with my daughter to Philippines for Christmas and a woman started ringing me, saying my wife was sleeping with her husband there. She's in Hong Kong. Said it's been going on years every time my wife goes home, but his wife's only just found out from one of their sons. At first I thought it was a joke but my wife's admitted it, in great detail.:eek:hmy: :mad::mad: My family still think she's just winding me up but as she says why would the woman ring then? Thought at first it was one of her 10 sisters playing a joke she'd put her up to. Why would a wife admit to an affair that's not happened though? I do think it's true now and am angry and feel awful. Our daughter's badly behaved to me too but not her mum. Every day's a friggin' nightmare. I'm drinking lots at present as I'm so pi**ed off. My GP is great but just says "oh it'll be a joke" and says the tablets are "just keeping you stable" so won't change them.
    Last edited by a moderator: Jan 23, 2009
  2. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    Hi Chris, welcome to SF.

    I hope you find the help and support you need here :hug:

    Please don't wish cancer on yourself.

    I'm sorry your wife treated you so badly :( I'm on the same medicine as you,they don't help at all.Therapy does help, have you tried it? :hug:
  3. mdmefontaine

    mdmefontaine Antiquities Friend

    hi. i'm sorry you are in so much pain :sad:

    it is a positive thing, that you are reaching out here, at s.f. there is always someone around. you can PM me anytime, if you need to talk. i am here A LOT lately. it is saved my life for several nights now, in a row.

    keep reaching out. we can all try to 'hold-on' together. :hug:
  4. pensive1981

    pensive1981 Well-Known Member

    Welcome. I think you'll find a pretty caring group here.

    And there are much better ways to go than cancer, my friend. Not sure you want to wish for that road...
  5. crazychris

    crazychris Member

    Thanks for the replies. I know cancer's very painful but I mean I wish I could just go say suddenly with a heart attack aged early 50's or something. My GP was referring me to a psychologist a year ago but have never had the appointment. Must ask him if he did actually refer me as I've just been waiting for the appointment. He did say there's a very long waiting list here. My depression seems to be the kind where I react badly to things going wrong in my life ie marrage at present. I also worry about ANYTHING and EVERYTHING.:sad: The Citalopram did lift me when I first went on it. I know it did but seem to be back at square one now.:sad:
  6. snowraven

    snowraven Well-Known Member

    Hi crazychris and welcome to sf. Sorry to hear what a tough time you have been having and hope that things will be able to improve for you. One thing has certainly improved already and that is the fact that you have found the forum. Personally I've had more help from people here than from anywhere else. Because we are all in similar situations (even if we have arrived here from many different directions) there is a lot of understanding which makes it a whole lot easier to open up and talk to others. I find that to be a real help. I hope you will find similar help and support from the place. Best wishes, S.
  7. Sadeyes

    Sadeyes Staff Alumni

    Hi CC...I think you are handling 'being used' as you have very well...I must admit I might not have been as gracious...about your history of depression...props to you for going to your MD and getting the meds you need...and yes, see about the therapy app't...you sound caring and very thoughtful...traits we can always use around here...welcome and glad you found us, big hugs, J
  8. crazychris

    crazychris Member

    I know I'm just an idiot for continuing to look after my wife and daughter when both treat me like shit. My wife says we won't sleep together ever again but just live together for our daughter's sake, like two lodgers really. She still asks me to make her cups of tea though and like an idiot I still do it. I MUST BE REALLY MAD.:mad: She's refused to go food shopping today so don't see why I should go alone.:mad:
    I keep tropical fish, my hobby and only interest, and have several tanks, so would be difficult for me to get a place of my own and take them all. Just am all mixed up in my mind and don't know which way to turn at present.
  9. cult logic

    cult logic Staff Alumni

    Sounds like it's time for a divorce.
  10. Stranger1

    Stranger1 Forum Buddy & Antiquities Friend

    Hey Crazy Chris,
    I unfortunately think that it is time to end the relationship. I was stationed in the Phillipines (olongapo) And when I was there the women would try to get pregnant so you would have to marry them and bring them back state side.
    I am not saying that is your case. I am just using my experience as an example. The woman I was seeing was sleeping with other men when I was out in the feild. We went back to Okinawa and she found me there. How she did I will never know because I never told her my last name.
    She tried to verbally berate me because when I would come out of the feild and found her out with another guy I went elsewhere lets just say for my pleasures.
    It is ultimately your decision, I just can relate to you...~Joseph~
  11. crazychris

    crazychris Member

    Hi. Here's an update then. I'm waiting to see a Counsellor, just someone to talk to, arranged by my GP (family Dr. for those of you in other countries) My 13 year-old daughter is who's keeping me here at present. I'm drinking a lot, cider, and lying to my GP when he asks how many units I'm drinking in a week. Well don't have any alcohol Mon. to Thu but sure make up for it Fri. to Sun.
    One thing. I made a new friend, a lady. Before your minds start working overtime, JUST A FRIEND. She's happily married with 6 kids. My daughter used to go to the same nursery as her eldest son but haven't seen her for 9 years. Bumped in to her in the supermarket on Thu and she invited me to her house for a coffee!! Bit odd you may think. I joked that maybe she wanted me to wheel her shopping trolley.:laugh: Well what a surprise I got. She has a beautiful tropical aquarium! I keep tropical fish too so we have a common interest. She's very nice and is coming to my house on Tues to see my aquarium. She hasn't kept fish as long as me so wants advice.
  12. shotmillions

    shotmillions Member

    noticed that was in march whats going on now?
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