Discussion in 'Welcome' started by RubyRose, Jul 17, 2009.

Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.
  1. RubyRose

    RubyRose Member

    well hi, again. almost can't believe i joined this forum, could be because it's late and i'm tired and it seemed like a good idea. because yeah it's late and i ended up on Albert Fish's wikipedia page and ended up on a page about depression and while i read it i just started to cry.
    i can get to that. sorry but just a warning i can get quite wordy either a lot or very little not a ton of in between with me on that.
    about 45 days ago i started to take cipralex after having a huge fight with my mother [and her husband ended up taking part which ugh] ended up going to the doctor and have since started to see a pretty nice women who kind of validated all my feelings and everything relating to my parent issues.
    my father left when i was three and i didn't really meet him until i was eighteen [side not my eight and nine buttons are broken]. and i have a mother who well i could write a novel about her.
    i like to think and hope that i'm on the road to getting better but i know it's going to be long and very,very hard.
    i was raised in a way which has made it very hard for me to open to people [which is a little easier on the internet]. i have no one in my life that i can kind of tell anything too...pretty much my journal and one friend who knows a lot. but i tend to feel guilty because she has her own demons and like..somethings i just feel like i can't tell her.

    well. try to give some moody rundown of things because well i can and feel free to stop reading need to like get it off my chest. it's so late. i feel like a total fool for doing this. like it's something i can regret. which is weird because i've only met like one person not the internet who would even go out of her way to dig up dirt on people and post it around.

    okay. i'm 20. when i read the little like if you've been feeling this way or whatever you may be depressed things and it asks if there are against the norm for you. makes me feel so much worse because i have felt [and tried to bury] so much of this crap for years. like well over a decade. and i'm only 20. twenty. and i'm only getting help now? because at first i knew something was wrong my mom set up a meeting with a therapist, and then forgot about it. eventually i became a teenager and chalked it up to being a well teenager. as long as i can remember i have been miserable. most of the time when i think about i wonder if i was just pretending to be happy. i know a few times i really was. but the majority? no..
    i recently found out my mother took anti-depressents after her father died [note: not really her father, her dad is really uncle but it's a poorly kept family secret. that she didn't tell me but she did tell her husband].
    which well reading that sucky wikipedia page on major depressive episodes [or whatever] made me cry because i couldn't think of why any parent who could not have been blind too what i was doing or my serious apparently misery couldn't seek out help for me..
    this has been going on since my papa died [her "father"] when i was about 7.

    i guess i just need somewhere to go and vent when i can't make it to see linda [therapist]. or when my best friend feels like treating me like crap. or when my mother finds some magical way to make me feel so much worse then i thought possible...okay well.. in the mood to cry.. so i'm going to lurk around the boards until i can't keep my eyes open.

    sorry if i bummed anyone out or anything...
  2. ZombiePringle

    ZombiePringle Forum Buddy and Antiquities Friend

    Welcome to SF. :hug: I'm sure you'l find lots of support here. you can PM me anytime if you like.
  3. RubyRose

    RubyRose Member

    thanks. also forgot name's grace. most of the time good listener and stuff..
  4. whiskeylullaby

    whiskeylullaby Well-Known Member

    welcome to sf :flowers:
  5. Stranger1

    Stranger1 Forum Buddy & Antiquities Friend

    Welcome to the forums Grace!! I hope you find the support here that you seek.. You will find for the most part that the members here are very supportive.. I'm sure you will make friends easily..Good luck!!
  6. RubyRose

    RubyRose Member

    cos, stranger thanks
    haven't been here very long but it seems like a pretty great place...in the ughh i need help sort of way..seems a little more productive then well the crying and such.
    :zombie: and being that...
  7. Animosity

    Animosity Forum & Chat Buddy

    Welcome to SF! I hope you find the support you're looking forr! Anytime you wanna talk or need a friend, my PM box is open!!
  8. LenaLunacy

    LenaLunacy Well-Known Member

    Welcome to SF =]
  9. ~Claire

    ~Claire Well-Known Member

    Welcome to SF Grace.

    :hug: xx
  10. RubyRose

    RubyRose Member

    yeah thanks.
  11. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Welcome to the forum glad you found us.
  12. triggs

    triggs Account Closed

    hey hun :hug: welcome to SF
    i hope you find all the help and support you need here :smile:
    triggs :heart:
  13. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    Welcome to SF Grace!
  14. gentlelady

    gentlelady Staff Alumni

    :welcome: to SF Ruby Rose. :hug:
Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.